SOMETIMES YOU MISS THE ONES YOU LOVE, WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.

You would think that after all these years the cliche holidays would not bother me anymore...that after all this time, I would be for lack of a better term...over it. BUT sometimes Christmas does get me, I guess it's a holiday that reminds me of GREAT times and also really CRAPPY times. Lets see if I can remember a little of both.

I remember (fondly) setting up a train for my brother that went around the xmas tree, late at night with my mom, when of course I no longer believed in Santa...but my baby brother did. My mom and I had a GREAT time, I stayed up late, we laughed it was really the first time I got to do that...that being my first year not believing in Santa anymore. The following morning however really threw me for a loop...I was just a few months into the 4th grade so you can imagine, extremely impressionable. It's Christmas morning, and my mom got me this GOD awful outfit I HAD to have (sweatshirt dresses were all the rage), and this one was Gold and Black (I know, for real? YES for real). I opened that box and my heart stopped, I finally had an outfit that some of the girls I knew and was friends with had...from a hideous store called, Marcia's Attic. Now that I have kids you couldn't pay me money to go there! In any event, I thought I was hot shit...and according to the general world of the 80's I was! My father came that morning to pick us up to spend Christmas day with him, my stepmother and my grandmother...I walked out like I owned the joint and my father literally said to me, or rather my mom, "how could you dress her like that she looks like a whore." There are no words. When I think about that today, being that I have 2 kids that are GIRLS, makes me want to punch him back from dead (no pun intended). I remember that time so fondly and at the same time it was one of the worst christmas's of my entire LIFE. So, with that said...I miss you Dad, A LOT on most days but I wish more than anything I could have that moment back, b/c there are times that I revert back to that person and don't like who I am. What I know for sure is that moment made me stronger in the end, made me realize what NOT to do as a parent, so for that I am forever thankful. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! XOXO BTC