THE THANKLESS JOB

How is it that mothers get one day, Mother's Day…but we bust our asses 365! AND when the day actually comes, why is it that we do exactly what we don't want to be doing. We end up spending it with people we love but we are def. not doing what we want to do?!?!? IS it wrong that I am totally bitter? Is it wrong that I would want a MOMENT of time to myself? Should I feel guilty that I am annoyed by the day? Lets discuss the fact that on Father's Day the day stops. I wake up, there's breakfast in bed, there's, "what do you want to do babe, hit some golf balls great go ahead I will watch the kids." Then off to spend the rest of the day with your dad (who thank god is alive when mine is not), come home watch your sports and shit before you go to bed. I mean WHATEVER!! AAA FUCK EVERYONE! :) Happy Sunday night…into Monday, UGH!! XOXO BTC

ONLY TIME WILL TELL...

I am still waiting for that moment when I realize that I am in the "right" place, a place I can feel completely comfortable again like I did in NYC. The time when I look around the room and feel like I can relate to the majority of women I am sitting with, until that time I will just "keep on keepin on!" It's May 3rd, my book now comes out Oct/Nov. 2015 and I am SO incredibly excited, anxious, frightened, and more importantly confident that this was what I was meant to do, to write, speak, share, and that it's what I have been missing for so many years when I worked in fashion. While my love for fashion is great, it's not quite my passion and without passion for what you do there can be no full feeling of fulfillment; it's just not possible. Aiden is sick with the bad cold that I gave her (poor thing), so Brian is off with Lila to a birthday party and we are just hanging out on my bed, watching movies and chilling in a way we don't often get to do! Saturday!! XOXO BTC

INCLUDE EVERYONE…IT'S JUST THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

I am often perplexed at women who don't MAKE their children include everyone, at their birthday parties…when they are of a certain age. I am notorious for making sure that everyone is invited, we all know what it feels like to be left out!I have such a hard time when one of my girls is not invited somewhere, I want to shield them from the cruel world of shitty girls; AND their shitty moms! How can we change this? Can't there be a rule that any kid under the age of like 4th, 5th grade must include everyone from their class (all of the same sex is fine b/c I mean there is still the great divide at that age), and then beyond that they can pick and choose? UGH I love love love having girls, but all the shit they are going to have to put up with makes me want to DIIIIEEEEE! Happy Hump Day! XOXO BTC

WHAT GOES UP, MUST COME DOWN.

I vividly remember as a kid not fitting in, or I should say not aesthetically fitting in and not even realizing that I was beautiful inside AND out. I don't think I realized the magnitude of what it could be like for me until college and by then I had other issues. It's so true that you never really appreciate your beauty until it's too late; and I don't mean just looks I mean the entire package. I know that getting old is just par for the course and for the most part I am totally ok with it, on the flip side I don't recognize myself sometimes when I look in the mirror, even though I am clearly the same person and everyone sees me the same for the most part. It's sad to think I am exactly back to being where I was 30 years ago, but this time so much less time ahead of me. How do we find time to take for ourselves so that we can glow internally and externally? How can we find it within ourselves to love the new versions of us, when we are the same person only a bit more worn and a lot more jaded. More importantly how can we come to terms with the fact that whatever was unfinished years ago, will just have to remain that way…and that we must live in the moment or regret will nearly kill us. Kinda heavy for a Monday, no? ARG…SORRY!! XOXO BTC

Time flies when you are having….

You know how they say, "time flies when you're having fun" it's true it really really is true. And when things are not fun, things just seem to slowly go on and there's nothing you can do it make it go faster, less painful or easier. You just have to wait for the dust to settle and then finally realize why you went through something, as insane as that may sound. I know that everything happens for a reason, when one door closes another opens, good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people…such is life; but sometimes you just want things to be easy, go smoothly and you feel like you deserve that. So why is life so hard? Why do we have to suffer to then be satisfied and why can't good things come to those who wait? It's a ponder type of day for me, lord knows why but it is. I should say reflective. I am always trying to appreciate the things that I have and love those that I am with, but sometimes it's hard to not want more, BE more!!! XOXO BTC

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY...

Nothing good in life comes easy. Jeez ain't that the truth! I don't know why I ever thought that would go away, or depending on the situation things would just be you know, easy. Never really had it easy and don't know many people who have so all situations although different, are results of hard work, dedication on top of some heartache. JUST when I thought it was all done and handed in, MORE work needs to be done. Not sure how i feel about it. On the one hand I could always talk about things, but on the 2nd hand it no longer feels complete and for someone like me (type A) that does not sit well…more like makes me NUTS!! NOne the less, I have to remind myself nothing in life comes easy…so bring it the FUCK on! HAPPY FRIDAY! XOXO BTC

IT'S NOT OVER UNTIL THE FAT LADY SINGS

….yeah, such is life!!!I feel like everyone I know could use a break. Why is it that certain moms feels like they can give you their 2 cents even when you don't ask for it? It's like you are friends with this person, new friends but friendly enough that certain things about them already annoy you! They inject things and say things and I honestly think they don't even realize that they are doing it; until you pull away and take your kids and run! Sad but true…these are the things that lifelong friends just don't do, I am still getting adjusted to all of those types of changes. It's Thursday, that's a plus:) xoxo BTC

THIS SHIP SET TO SAIL

NOT to be confused with "This ship has sailed!" The book has been delivered, and here I sit at my computer drinking an expensive bottle of wine, patting myself on the back…b/c you know what I deserve it. I deserve this bottle of wine, I really do. It's been a rough winter between the kids home all the time with all the fucking snow, on top of delivering the book, WOWZA…I need a very long vacation. I hope everyone is safe and sound in this insane east coast weather and if you are anywhere where this is not happening, EFF YOU! :):) XOXO BTC

WAKE ME UP I'M DREAMING

Sometimes I feel like people will wake up and realize who I really am, or rather wake up and not realize and then it will all fall to shit! I have finally found amazing women friends in the burbs and I really didn't even think that it was possible. I mean I know I go for the type that's not always around these parts, but b/c it's so rare to find them it was even that much harder to find those I love and who's kids love my kids and who my kids love too! IT was kind of like a full time job but the funny thing is, it happened SO organically and I am forever grateful! I handed in my manuscript today, "Drop The Act! It's Exhausting" will be on shelves October 2015…I am a crying mess of happiness today, and can't wait to celebrate (by myself if necessary) to say I have completed probably the biggest goal of my life, next to having my girls. Here's to a NOT so terrible Tuesday for the first time in a VERY long time, I am ok with today! XOXO BTC

RING MY BELL

Why is it that when I schedule a call with someone, I am the only person who is on time? Like I don't have 100 other things to do with my time, you can't put aside whatever the fuck you are doing…to talk to me? Why is it that what you are doing is any more important than what I put down to talk to you? It's infuriating to me…and kind of insulting a bit too. I mean and who wants a call on Friday anyway, it just makes it that much more annoying if you ask me. I mean I should not be exempt from working on a Friday but there's something really annoying about a call on a Friday. Just saying! Happy weekend! XOXO BTC

October 2015

That's the date, the date of success. XOXO BTC

THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

You know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah, yeah, yeah how many times have you heard that? How many times have you heard that an actually believed it? Countless times. I recently met with an astrologer and had my first formal reading. It was interesting to say the least, but incredibly informative. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and apparently so do the stars, the question is can I reach the light? Do I want to reach the light? And is it really possible to reach the light? Terrible Tuesday is over, now it's Thursday and it's been incredibly rough for the last few weeks. Sick kids, sick heads just sick, sick, sick. SO here I am, it's Thursday and it still feels like Terrible Tuesday. UGH! Calgon take me away. XOXO BTC

HOLY YEASTY!

It's been a 100 years (for real) so you know all the creative in me is literally going into the damn book!! I have to share, this past Friday I ended up going back to an old friends house for a drink post dinner, and it happened in the most unusual way. I was having dinner with new girlfriends and ran into he and his wife. Long story short we ended up back at his house (Brian too and another girlfriend), having a quick drink talking about the days of old. As I sat there looking at him, I realized we were the same basic people just older. We talked the same, we interacted the same (as if no time had gone by) and we talked about the same people as if it was 8th grade all over again! Strange, but true. I think to myself, what is it going to be like for my girls? What are their potential experiences and will they find those life long friends and relationships that I found; minus the ones I fucking hate. What will it be like for them, and how I can provide the best possible world for them to live in. Not sure why the conversations even lead me to these feelings but they did. You sit there, older, wiser, more successful and you think to yourself you know what I am the same person but not at all the same person. Sounds totally contradictory but it's true. Life is so strange like that, you think you have evolved and then you are with people from the past and you become that same person you were when you first knew each other, in so many ways. UGH it's Tuesday, need I say more? XOXO BTC

I HAVE SO MANY YET SO FEW

I don't know why I can't find that one person, that one person to talk to about everything. I mean technically I have SO many around me that could be "that" person for me, but I don't know why I choose not to just divulge it all. Well I do actually but I then just feel like I am talking about myself too much, and not asking about them enough. I never want it to be all about me and my feelings, b/c everyone has problems just the same. Why should mine be any more important than theirs? I don't know how to break free of that and let some things out, as open as I am I guess I am totally bottled up. Wasted Wed. XOXO BTC

I AM A PYCHIC, DUH!

Don't you meat people everyday who say they are slightly psychic or clairvoyant? And on that same page, don't you feel like you are too? Couldn't it be that we guide ourselves towards the things we want to happen, and those are the signs we read as psychic? I welcome those feelings myself, it makes me feel like I am always working towards something. I would like to think that it's a little bit of both, so I would like to enlist someone to talk to..who really claims to BE a psychic AND who gets paid to do it! I mean they have to be better than the average person, no??? OYE will be sure to report whatever it is that they say, whenever I get off my ass and actually meet them! HA! YIPPEE IT'S THURSDAY!! XOXO BTC

NANA, GRANDMA, NANO, AND THEN SOME.

The relationship between my mom and my Mother-in-law and my girls is so special, it really is. I feel so thankful that they are able to spend so much time with them, count on them, and know how very much they are loved by them. You see, I never really had a grandmother. My mom's mom never wanted to meet me because she married my dad (b/c he was Black) and my fathers mother was totally in my life, but at the same time wasn't? Does that make sense? Like we saw her ALL the time, but I never could really connect with her, when it counted. When I was a kid I never knew that you were supposed to spend nights at your grandmothers or have outings just the 2 of you, or even have her babysit. I feel like I was living in la la land in that way, b/c I truly didn't know that was technically the norm! Kinda depressing to think about it…but then again it's January so the entire month is depressing! XOXO BTC

Happy fucking new year!!

Jesus h Christ 2015?? Where the hell does the time go?!?? My kids are older, I'm older, something's have changed and some more annoying things have stayed the same! All the people I love are still fortunately in my life and I could not be happier with the progress my professional life is taking; or rather I always want more but I feel like it's taking a new but important direction and I'm beyond ready for it. I feel like so much of my creative mind goes to the book, I tend to neglect the blog ( thag I've told no one about anyway:) but more for me to just put it all down! I'm actually in the process of going through ally posts and making sure the important things are included. Obviously I'm hoping it's only the first off my more books but,"one never knows do one?" 

Xoxo 

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