I STILL HAVE A BAD FEELING...

There are times in your life when you say things to people that you care about, or say things about people you care about that you know you can't take back. I have one of those that still haunts me... A nameless faceless friend from the past, whom I really cared about overheard me say something about them that was a bit out of character for me; AND also somewhat not true about them. It was one of those moments when you leave your phone on and and you are reiterating something to someone, and being slightly more off color than you normally would...and they hear you. It was really not nice of me, and to this day I still feel really badly about it. NOW, there are a TON of people in my past I don't feel that way about, don't care for, and am happy to not be connected to anymore...but there is always at least one where that does not hold true. In any event, today I feel I need to repent that sin, mourn the loss of a friend and then continue to move on as I have so many years later. Hope everyone has a lovely weekend...until next time. XOXO BTC

I HATE to say this, but I HATE everyone...

It's kind of irony at it's best (that above title). But it seems to be true these days...I seem to loathe more people than I like. What is different in the world that I feel this way, or I am just getting older and realizing there are so many more people who suck than those that don't? No one ever seems satisfied, and maybe part of that is the case that people get too much of what they want, and then go ape the times that they don't. The idea of instant gratification has taken on a whole new meaning now a days. We use to live in a world when we could not see results so quickly, we would have to wait to see something that we worked on, etc. But now, b/c you can turn things around so quickly when you don't people are not happy. I find this DAILY in my what I do for a living and it seems to be spilling into my personal life too. IF you can't be everything to everyone, if you can't be everyone at once or you can't deliver everything at all times, you have failed in some way. The bar is set too high so even those that deliver 99.9% of the time, is not longer enough. I am exhausted. Exhausted from hearing people bitch all the time about MORE MORE MORE, exhausted from not getting enough sleep b/c well you know my kids need me 100% too, and SHOT to shit trying to hold my own self together making sure I don't fall apart. The theme of the day is, clearly I hate everyone...but hate to say that too. Is it the weekend yet? Oh wait those suck lately too. XOXO BTC

Can woman really have it all? I honestly am not sure...

People often say that the best thing that they ever did was have their kids...and this I TOTALLY agree with; HOWEVER, we know there's always a touch of honesty missing if you ask me. Brian and I have created this amazing life with our 2 girls, a life I am so blessed to have. But really, can a woman have it all? It's that forever pondering question posed all too often. I do think it's possible to feel and say that you can have it all, but at what price? Something's always gotta give whether it is SOME of your career, your health, your relationship with your significant other, time with the kids, etc. Something has to give. The question is what do you need to give up a little? What areas get 80% and what areas get 100%? I would like to say I am even on all accounts but clearly things for me take a back seat, although that's not even something I listed above! So I won't include that, but at some point my clients get more attention than my family and at what price? OR my family gets more attention than my clients, and is that fair? How to you juggle it all and how can you be EVERYTHING to EVERYONE? I woke up a couple of times in the night for Lila, and have been on and off for the last couple of months. I am clearly lacking in the sleep dept. and I don't even have a newborn and at what cost? I turned to Brian in the middle of the night and said to him I don't know how much more of this I can take before I start to lose my mind, or continue to lose my mind slowly. So, I pose that question again, can you really have it all? I think you can look like you have it all, but in reality it's just not possible. Mmmmm....I feel this way today, talk to me on another day when she does sleep and everything is status quo and I may feel differently:) JUST being honest! XOXO BTC

So many people's personal style confuses me...

I am not sure if it's because I am in the industry or simply b/c I am a bitch...but I sometimes don't get the success of others; as it relates to fashion. What is it that people love and others loathe? AND why don't others loathe it the way that I do? I know that everyone has their own "sense" of style and that makes the world go round, but there are SO many people out there highlighting their own personal style, and style choices that I think truly suck! Then I think to myself..maybe it's me, and I have horrible taste? NO that can't possibly be:) In any event, can anyone now simply throw on some J.Crew rhinestone necklaces with a pair of pencil pants and a patterned sweater and call themselves a style icon? I think that if you don't have people that are truly schooled in that area running the show anymore, then anyone can be anyone...literally. IT seems to me that in very few professions can you just waltz in and say you are someone, act like you are someone, do things like you are someone...BUT in media you can crawl all over that shit with little to no experience; OR clout! I mean you don't have teachers walking around without credentials? You don't have dr.'s walking around without licenses practicing in the open? Why the fuck can anyone start a fashion blog,site whatever, look like shit, and direct big brands...DEAR lord what has this world come to. Don't get my wrong there are some good ones, but there are plenty of shitty fashion blogs...with really crappy taste. Now off to watch "Revenge", don't mind if I do. Nighty, night! xoxo BTC

Give a little, get a little...

I think one of the hardest things for people to understand is that the world does not work in a "tit for tat" way. You can't wait always get back exactly what others give. If the world worked that way no one would be friends, we would only have ourselves to deal with! I have come to realize that people invite people to do things, come to parties, etc. sometimes ONLY if they are invited the other way. OR you can be idiots like me (us my husband and I), and always include everyone to make it easy...EVEN when you are never invited to someone else's things. I don't know it all seems really political to me...why can't we all just get along? How do you know if there is a friend you can count on 100% vs. one where there are stipulations to the relationship? AND what if an entire group feels a certain way about a person/people but you continue to have a relationship with them simply b/c it's easier than actually dealing with it? How does that benefit anyone? Everyone is so weird, not to say I am not somewhat strange in my own way but...I don't know, as we get older everyone gets stranger!! Have a wonderful CYBER monday:) xoxo BTC

Happy THANKSGIVING!

Happy Thanksgiving...that's all for today:) Much love and happiness to you and yours! xoxo BTC

BIG BIRD DAY!

MY absolute favorite day of the year is Thanksgiving!! I love the food, family, cheer and nothing has to do with ANYTHING gift related! You just stuff your face, enjoy each others company...AND eat some more. It's the one holiday I claim will always be at my mom's! I can't give it up, I tried but it just does not work for me. I grew up in the house where we still celebrate and hope to for many more years to come; especially now with the kids. The most delicious food we prepare, including macc and cheese, turkey, stuffing, gravy, apple pie, pumpkin bread...and no one does it better than mom. It is also a time to think about those who are less fortunate than we are, those who have less or none at all. Those who have been victims of horrific life curve balls and now have nothing at all. I wish I could give more, do more. The 1st thing I am doing if I ever do make more than I can handle is give some of it away; obviously the democrat in me! Happy Thanksgiving to all...enjoy your friends, family, food, wine, and then some. xoxo BTC

PLEASE DONT GO....PLEASE DONT GO!!!!

I think the constant battle between city folks and burbs folks is where should one live, and why! I know in my house we constantly battle staying or leaving NYC. I don't know what to do...I grew up in the burbs but have literally lives in New York City since 1999. That's a LONG ass time to move out!! I did not use the kid things as an excuse to leave (and most do rightfully so)...we stayed, and continued our life in a similar fashion...just with 2 kids. I thrive over the diversity, the thirst for life, the fact that you can eat, shop do just about everything in the most amazing city in the world! I revel in the fact that my kids can sit in a classroom full of kids, who are all so different in so many ways; culturally, economically, etc. HOW can we leave this? I can travel to work and be there in a jiffy...and be right back at Aiden's school for anything that I am involved in. I can have it all, so to speak! I can have it ALMOST all if there is such a thing. I love it here, it's part of who I am...it's my identity and I am not sure it's something I can just let me know... BUT, there is the space issue. I would like more space, and not a 4 bedroom apt a 4 bedroom home. I want a backyard where the kids can just open the door and go out and play! The question is, is that enough of a reason to leave? Food for thought. Enjoy the day! xoxo BTC

YOU CAN'T LOVE EM ALL!

I have come to terms with the fact that you can't love em all! There was BOUND to be a spouse that I didn't LOVE, someone who married a friend. The fact that 99.9% of them are great is a HOME run. Given that there's at least one is pretty damn good. The question is, then what do you do? Do you continue to pretend like you enjoy their company and suck it up so that you can remain just as close with your friend? OR do you try and maintain the relationship with JUST the friend, and omit the husband or wife whenever you can? Would love to know...still don't know the answer. For now, I suck it up. BON WEEKEND! XOXO BTC

WHEN TO SAY WHEN...

When do you know when it's time to end a friendship, relationship, anything of that nature? When do you know it's time to part ways with the best of intentions, realizing you no longer have anything in common? Sometimes ending friendships are just as hard as ending a relationship...How exactly do you bow out gracefully? I have had several past friendships fizzle out, some just we just grew apart others more controversial. There are 2 sides to every story and then there's the truth but how do you determine the mistakes you may have made with those past friends you won't make with your present friends? I would have to assume that you would work harder on the friendships that you do have and those you do love, than you did with those you have lost. It's a 2 way street, you give and you take and you are there for one another. You need to give a little and they need to give a little, or it just won't work. I feel like so many people who are no longer in my life, were omitted for a reason. There are very few I still care, love and think about who are no longer in my "every day", and then more of those who I just kinda can't stand and probably can't stand me! I love when you run into someone you genuinely LOVE, and then loathe the times you run into those you don't. Such is life they say...As you get older you realize there are people you don't want to remain friends with and those you do. You are wiser, more independent, less concerned about outside influences and more concerned with what makes you happy. Food for thought...love to all!! XOXO BTC

AND it's that day again!

It's that day again..."Terrible Tuesday!" I don't know what it is about this day, but it is always incredibly annoying; or and horrible. Everyone has a tude, and the worse part about it is in most cases...you are doing something FOR their best interest and they put up a damn fight!! What is it about this day that sucks so badly? Maybe b/c it is not the end of the week but not the first day of the week? Something like you can't be as big of an asshole on Monday b/c you are starting the new week? I don't know what it is but I hate this damn day! Looking forward to "hump" day, has a much more pleasant ring to it! XOXO BTC