I thought that when Lila turned 6 months, I would feel differently than I do now! With Aiden, I ALMOST felt physically normal by this time, ALMOST...and had gotten my life to where I could stand it. This time, I never really felt so out of control with a new baby, just can't get my body where I want it to be...it takes SOOO much longer round 2, and is THAT much harder. I have to be honest, that's such a deterance from having another one..as awful as that is to say! I don't know, not loving that part one bit!
I think that's the one thing that has really taken some getting used to.
2 is certainly not 1, but it is manageable. I am feeling lately like I am kind of living in the twilight zone at work, and at home. Nothing is quite right (As they say) everything's a little off, but I am not sure in what ways. Some things and issues are larger than others, some are smaller issues I think I am making bigger! In all which ways, things just feel off. NOW given I am a Libra and that's the sign of balance, all of this does not sit well with me. I am forced to try and change things that are out of my control, not something I am used to nor do I like. I am annoyed it seems with just about everyone, minus just a couple of people, not at all normal for me. I don't like that feeling either, and I wish I could say that I am overwhelmed with my kids, but it's not even them!!! I don't remember the last time things felt so unsettled, and I am sure whenever that was is a time I have since blocked out.
I am always the one giving advice to my friends, and for some reason I need advice and I am not sure who to talk to? I talk to my mom about everything but she's got her own shit going on...and when I compare things with me, to things with her...hers ou-weigh mine enormously! It's that time in life when things shift and change again, and I am not good with that kind of change. As something bigger out there sits waiting for me, I just muddle through until I see it, as clear as day...certainty, clarity...no more fog.
JESUS H that days's gotta come F__G FAST!!!
Been a long time I know, doing the best that I can, one day at a time! Until next post...
XOXO
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