I'M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

I TRY I really really do try to like a girl that one of my best girlfriends, is good friends with. I try so hard and to no avail something's just off with her! I can't quite explain it, but it's there every time we speak. I make an effort to say hello, have a conversation, etc. but it never really feels genuine. I want to think that my friend is friends with her for a reason, but it's so hard for me to understand when I kinda feel like she sucks! Well I shouldn't say sucks but she's EH at best. I think as I get older, I realize that there's a certain type I was one attracted to, or surrounded myself around that I no longer appreciate; or like for that matter! I can't really pin-point it in writing because it won't come across the correct way. It's interesting coming to terms with things like that at my age, you think why and how did I waste that much time with so many people that sucked SO bad!!! UGH it's Monday, I am hungover and will choose not to have another drink until Friday…oh well:) XOXO BTC

THANK YOU SIR, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER

I miss drinking during the week. The boozy lunches, the cabs back to my apt toasty and then to continue toasting as the night progressed and the kids went to bed. I miss hailing taxis to go back and forth to my office, and really to go back and forth anywhere for that matter!! AAH I miss it so much. The most sterile part of living in the burbs is the fact that you have to drive everywhere, it's a fucking pain in the royal ass. Luckily I have a greatly great man who drives most of the time, oh unless I am pregnant:) I miss those days. I don't get as saucy as I used to at all anymore, and it's sad but true. Now my life consists of picking up my kids smack in the middle of the day, so even if I wanted to and have the change to I couldn't do it. Today is Wed., hump day. I remember in HS Wed. was our late day. We got out of school at a different time, everyday and Wed. was until like 3 or 3:15. Which on the tail end meant that practice was later, and then I would get home from school even later, to then have to do my homework even later…was annoying. NONE the less, it was also my fav. day of the week. Just getting over the hump meant the week was progressing and the weekend was near. I miss that too, waiting and pining for the weekends to have some fantastic plan with friends. Now it's just birthday parties and kids shit everywhere, AAAH life…it's so grand! Until next time… XOXO BTC

HONEY, I HAVE TO GO AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS….ON BUSINESS.

OK obviously I understand the need to travel for work, that I get; however that does not mean I have to like it. I never cared, he would go away I would get the wine and then some and just chill! Have girl time with my friends, have them over, drink, watch trashy TV, stay out late talking to girlfriends, etc. And then we had kids, it all went to complete shit! Every time he says he has to go away on business, my body gets really tense and I want to scream at the top of my lungs! I still know that it's necessary, and I still know that he has to go but I want to punch him square in his face every single time! Because in actuality, to me, it's a mini fucking vacation!!!!!! If I had the chance to get onto a plane, have a cocktail, wake up at 7, work out in the hotel gym, eat the continental breakfast and do it all over again for a few days I would fully consider that a vacation; maybe not in the traditional sense but it would be a vacation from my life, literally. At first when I made comments like that, Brian thought I was nuts. Then I think he thought about it for a while, and it kind of backfired for me. He started enjoying the trips more, after I pointed out that that is exactly how I saw it. He realized what I was saying was kind of true, and so he decided to look at it like that too. There are a few things that I get to do when he is not here, and so that's a bit of a vacation for me too, but I wake up in the AM and the shit's the fucking same up in this place! UGH Today is Monday, it all starts to blend into each other that days that is, but it is technically Monday; and for the first time in a really long time it feels that way! XOXO BTC

GAY IS TO MIXED AS MIXED IT TO GAY

A totally strange title I know, but a light bulb literally just went off in my head. I can relate to sam sex couples who feel different walking down a suburban street. Meaning, I understand what it feels like for people to think a lovely gay female couple are "sisters" when in fact they are a couple. I understand how hard that can be, and also understand why people may think that to be true. It's the exact same thing with me when I am with my girls, Lila especially. I am never the mom or rarely I am always the nanny. Just makes sense to everyone that I would be. The link below is to a partial interview that Jillian Michaels did with Health Magazine, speaking of these types of struggles. I wish too sometimes I was with someone who looked more like me, ONLY for that same reason. You would be at peace in that area for just a moment. I don't know why people don't get that, and especially don't understand why the gay community would go after her for a comment like that; bottom line is she's fucking right! UGH people WAKE UP! Today is sat. I am sitting in bed watching Alice in Wonderland with Aiden and it's like heaven! XOXO BTC http://www.people.com/article/jillian-michaels-statement-gay-out-comments

T T TITLE TITLE T T T T TITLE TITLE!

We have FINALLY nailed down a title for my book, the working title I LOATHED so this feels REALLY nice and REALLY freeing:) It's amazing that something so small (in terms of how much text), can be THAT important! I mean clearly the titles speaks volumes, but similar to naming a brand it just takes so much time. ANYWAY, it's Thursday so that means it's closer to the weekend which really means nothing for me, b/c it's all the same SHIT! XOXO BTC

"GRAVITY…IT'S WORKING AGAINST ME!"

I have to be ok with the fact that I am not 25 anymore, and what you put in is not always what you get out! CODE for, you get older and everything is just harder to fucking maintain! Work out HARDER (when I already was an animal), eat LESS when I already ate like a bird on most days, wear MORE makeup when the thought of caking things on my face makes me want to vomit and last but not least, make sure and nip and tuck so that when things fall down you can pick them right back up! UGH! Today is Wed. I love this day, always am really into smack, middle of the week. You feel like you are 1/2 done with things but you also have 2 more days to get your shit together. It is terrible to think that you are also closer to the weekend, so you have mixed emotions about wanting to be with you kids BUT also not wanting to be with them every freaking moment of the day. Oh well at least I do! HAPPY HUMP DAY! XOXO BTC

THROW YOUR BALLS IN THE AIR!

I think I am juggling too many moving parts, all at one time. Nothing gets done 100% when I work like this, but at the moment there's really no other way! Sometimes I think if I throw all the balls in the air, the "correct" balls will land on the ground; in just the right form. Somehow that's yet to happen. I have so many hopes and dreams, some obtainable some not, some I have reached some are in the not so distance future. I hope that drive to succeed will always be with me no matter how many balls are in the air. Until next time… XOXO BTC

THE REALITY OF IT ALL

It's the pits when you come to the realization that things are not what they seem. It's almost impossible for people to move past these things, the daily things in life that disappoint us! You know that feeling when you think something is one way and then it turns out to be another way? For example a friend you thought you loved and trusted lets you down, you buy a car you think you are going to love and then you hate it…but clearly too late to do anything about it. The job you've been waiting for for decades, turns out to be everything you thought it wouldn't. That town you moved that you thought you could learn to love, b/c you loved the house so much…is not at all what it seems. I think I fear all of these things b/c I have either experienced them, OR know too many other people who have. Does the reality of it all ruin your daily outlook; or does it help shape a perfect opinion so it spares us from making the wrong decisions. Story of my fucking life! Today is Sunday, had a nice relaxing day with 1 kid..the other one had bday parties all day! Was really lovely if I do say so myself:) Enjoy the week, the end always brings the weekend around! XOXO BTC

SPEAK UP!

It's amazing how much you have to be involved in your child's school, how much you have to advocate to make sure the school is on the same page as you. It's important to know that your voice HAS to be heard, you need to speak up as it relates to anything involving your kid! I am so pleased to say that Aiden's school has taken every measure, to ensure she is happy and thriving at school. Coupled with some of her ADHD and her anxiety it's not an easy thing to do daily, but they do it…and they did it with a smile. Brian and I had a meeting today to make sure she could apply for more testing time, and thankfully they agreed. She will no longer struggle to take her test in the time allotted she will have unlimited testing time. To all those parents who don't want to address their kids issues, or administer meds b/c you think you are taking the easy road out, step in our shoes for a day and see how easy it is for your kid to function. Remember, it's NOT about you it's what is good for your kid. If there is a way for them to feel better about themselves on the daily, then make it happen for them, PLEASE! HAPPY THURSDAY! XOXO BTC

TARGET IS TO ME WHAT CRACK WAS TO THE STREETS IN THE 80'S

ADDICTED THERE IS NO OTHER WORD ON THE THIS PLANET! I am 100% obsessed with Costco and Target, if I had to shop at those stores for the rest of my life I would…literally. I go in there and it's just a little bit of everything that you need, even when you don't know that you need it. It's deadly b/c you go in and you are like ok gonna spend like 150 bucks but you walk out of there and you've spent 300!! That was my AM today. I now feel complete, ridiculous! It's Monday but I guess that just means we are working towards the next weekend. I left my glasses at my in-laws and of course they will send them back to me ground not express. Gotta love it! XOXO BTC

1,2,3….4

Little Lila James will be 4 years old tomorrow, I have VERY mixed emotions about the change of age! First of all, there's that part of me that wants another baby and then reality sets in and I know well that ain't gonna happen! I remember looking at one of Brian's Aunts when their son was about that age and think why do they baby him? Why do they care if he gets older? All I have to say at this point in my life, now that I have my own kids is I GET it! You want to preserve that innocence that's still present before the age of like 5. You want them to stay your baby as long as they possibly can before they turn into little people. Once that's done you know that part of your life is really over and that freaks the fucking shit out of me! I want so badly for them to stay at this age, I mean hell I want to stay at this age too:):) Happy Birthday my little love Lila. You can be THE biggest pain in my arse but I like you SO stinking much! Your weekend will be full of friends and family to celebrate your special day, and I hope it's everything you want it to be! Cheers to the weekend! XOXO BTC

THE MOST CONSTANT THING IS CHANGE

I don't know HOW the world works STILL and I am nearing the end of my 30's. I always thought that at a certain age I would "get" it, but life always throws the most incredible curveballs and you never know what you will be thrown. The most constant thing, is change. I think that I can handle things really well, and then BOOM this wave of feelings come crashing in and I can't quite catch my breath. I know that everyone goes THROUGH it on the daily, so my problems are not more significant than theirs, actually mine at the moment are trivial in comparison to many of the things my friends are going through…but it does not make it anymore tolerable for me, while I am literally in it. The fact of the matter is the basic and easy way to shake things like this for me is not a cocktail or a pot cookie (although those things do sound delicious), it's time with my best girlfriends. It is the ONLY way that I can survive the bad feelings, is sitting and laughing with them. It's the first day of Breast Cancer awareness month, and I plan to think about everyone going down that horrific road called Cancer…on the daily. Nighty Night! XOXO BTC

201

I am dumb founded at a magazine, in my area called 201. It's a local publication and when I say local I mean LOCAL, and I am reaching out to them for a client/friend. While I am building Who's The Babe with Beth, I agreed to help a few small clients in the interim, on my own. Currently I am working with me AMAZING dermatologist, helping her brand her image and reaching out to media outlets to spread the word. I recently emailed the EIC of the magazine 201 and it is completely amazing to me that these local outlets have egos WAY larger that the editors at the major monthly magazines. Maybe they are trying to prove something, maybe they think that their balls are bigger, maybe they think that they really are that great…and really not even sure why I am speeding time writing this, I am just amazed at the attitude I just got from this bitch! It's Wed. so that means hump day, closer to the weekend but not that it really matters b/c it's Yom Kippor. Not sure what the meaning of it is, I mean you are supposed to remember the dead (fine), but you are supposed to do and and repent your sins but cleansing and not eating. I would literally need a year of that, to repent all my sins. Seems a little bit like a crock to me…but hey we know I am not a religious person so don't go by me! XOXO BTC