SOMETIMES YOU MISS THE ONES YOU LOVE, WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.

You would think that after all these years the cliche holidays would not bother me anymore...that after all this time, I would be for lack of a better term...over it. BUT sometimes Christmas does get me, I guess it's a holiday that reminds me of GREAT times and also really CRAPPY times. Lets see if I can remember a little of both.

I remember (fondly) setting up a train for my brother that went around the xmas tree, late at night with my mom, when of course I no longer believed in Santa...but my baby brother did. My mom and I had a GREAT time, I stayed up late, we laughed it was really the first time I got to do that...that being my first year not believing in Santa anymore. The following morning however really threw me for a loop...I was just a few months into the 4th grade so you can imagine, extremely impressionable. It's Christmas morning, and my mom got me this GOD awful outfit I HAD to have (sweatshirt dresses were all the rage), and this one was Gold and Black (I know, for real? YES for real). I opened that box and my heart stopped, I finally had an outfit that some of the girls I knew and was friends with had...from a hideous store called, Marcia's Attic. Now that I have kids you couldn't pay me money to go there! In any event, I thought I was hot shit...and according to the general world of the 80's I was! My father came that morning to pick us up to spend Christmas day with him, my stepmother and my grandmother...I walked out like I owned the joint and my father literally said to me, or rather my mom, "how could you dress her like that she looks like a whore." There are no words. When I think about that today, being that I have 2 kids that are GIRLS, makes me want to punch him back from dead (no pun intended). I remember that time so fondly and at the same time it was one of the worst christmas's of my entire LIFE. So, with that said...I miss you Dad, A LOT on most days but I wish more than anything I could have that moment back, b/c there are times that I revert back to that person and don't like who I am. What I know for sure is that moment made me stronger in the end, made me realize what NOT to do as a parent, so for that I am forever thankful. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! XOXO BTC

Merry EVERYTHING to everyone

Quick note to say Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate...Wishing everyone a wonderful day with family and friends. Much love, XOXO BTC

EVERYBODY NEEDS SOME TIME TOGETHER, NOW AND AGAIN...

I feel like it sounds so cliche when I say this, but I am learning more and more in my marriage that every couple DOES need alone time! I don't think it's really necessary to have a "date night" EVERY week (really just not possible in my world) however, an evening with no kids is literally just what the dr. ordered. I had a lovely evening with Brian and friends last night, while the kids slept at my mom's. It was nice to have a cup of coffee that stayed HOT while sitting in bed watching the news this AM. It was great getting dressed in an appropriate amount of time and I was even able to eat breakfast sitting at the table; as opposed to standing up in my kitchen, eating from the counter b/c you don't have time to really sit and digest your meal. THANK GOD for Nana. It was a great way to kick off our little family vaca. Lila and bought some last minute things at a local NYC Upper East Side retailer, and the 1st thing I got when I walked in was" Oh she's yours? I thought you were the nanny." My response was, "So many idiots think that..." and then of course there was the awkward silent pause. WTF I hate people! Onto other things... SO tomorrow is Xmas eve, and for the first time in my entire life I have little to no emotion for the holiday this year. I want the kids to have an AMAZING holiday, but me...just not really concerned about it in the least! AND funny enough is I HATE that feeling b/c this was my fav. holiday EVER! What I am going to do is try and enjoy some time off from the office (yes it is possible for a moment), and try not to take for granted that Beth and I have the ability to close it until the 2nd, without having to answer to anyone but ourselves! Now THAT is reason enough to kick my feet up. None the less, I hope everyone has a lovely last day shopping or whatever you are doing...and I be back for sure, on Christmas! XOXO BTC

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT... AND I FEEL FIIIIIIIIIIINE..."

So, apparently today was supposed to be the end of the world. How many people do you think were shocked this AM to realize they were still alive and kicking? I certainly was NOT one of them...but I guess I can understand all the hype. How would we really know if it was the end anyway? Today will be the last day in the office, and then we are closing this puppy until the 2nd of JAN! HOWEVER, as a business owner you are never really closed! None the less it will be nice to spend uninterrupted time with my family, not get up at 5 to make lunch, prep dinner, work out, like a crazy person! Will be nice to create my own schedule for a moment:) I miss those days when you could really just walk out of an office and turn off. SO back to the end of the world...We are all still here, good, bad or whatever. So I guess live your life to the fullest, continue putting emphasis on the things that mean something to you and fuck everything else. HA! XOXO BTC

ANXIETY IS THE NEW BLACK...

I meet more parents who have kids that are anxious, than I do people with kids who are NOT! MINE included... I have been dealing with Aiden's anxiety lately, something that has been elevated since she started the 1st grade. It is so interesting because most people would not even KNOW it's an issue with her, she has hidden it pretty well. The academic transition from one grade to the next had her worried about the amount of work, and so on and so forth. Many things are not even worth worrying about, but her little mind has been working overtime! In any which case, I think that early intervention (like anything) is KEY, and we just met with a wonderful Dr. this week. Feeling positive about making her feel better, less anxious and just happier. All I want is for her to be happy. Almost Friday... XOXO BTC

THERE IS NO FUCKING FUN, IN GUNS...

I cannot even understand for ONE moment, why anyone would have a firearm in their home, or anywhere else for that matter; UNLESS you are a full on cop! WTF is wrong with people? There is nothing in the world that would ever make me believe that's even remotely ok...THEN you have those who hunt, what goes on with them? First of all who wants to kill an animal for fun anyway? There is no fun in that, another group of wackos carrying fire arms. How do we change all of this? and WHY did it take this long for people to make changes as this epidemic grew and grew and grew! I am incredibly sad to think I have to even THINK about things like this; but when you have kids the world revolves around them and their safety. BTC

ACCEPTING WHO YOU ARE...

Having 2 little girls is THE single most amazing thing that has ever happened to me! I love everything about identifying how they feel, why they feel certain ways, etc. simply because I am a girl too. When having girls, there are things that come along with them...you can't always prepare for; and that is sometimes scary b/c you too had those same feelings at some point in your life. Some people may still feel the way they did at a young age. Insecurities are just part of growing up and certainly part of being a girl. I know what it is like to not look like any of your peers, to not have the same skin, hair, etc. Having 2 parents that look very different from each other...all of those things. I remember having friends who suck ass parents would like at my like they were from outer space! On MORE than on occasion. I wish I knew what I know now, then. I wish I knew all of those things because really those would not have been my friends. And of course there is a reason they are not my friends, today. All of those feelings of who am I? Where do I belong? Do I fit in? Are normal...I am now having to deal with some of those same issues with my own child. I think daily how can I help her along this journey? How can I let her know that people can be cruel and mean but in the end most of those people are not those who sit at home, with no career, no real meaning to their life...but $. How can I tell her that those are the people that the teachers HATED, and we are the ones that the teachers loved! How can I express that they will be friends with the SAME "type" for the rest of their lives, and never know anything MORE than that. They will end up marrying the SAME type of guy, same clothes, same cars, houses...all kind of a cookie cutter world. They will never know any adversity b/c they will never open themselves up to different things. How can I say this, in a way that a 6 year old can understand? On a lighter note, I WILL tell her the many lovely friends she will make along the way. The ones that will last a lifetime and be by her side when you think you cannot possibly get up. The ones that will fly to the ends of the earth to make whatever you are going through hurt less...that they won't care how much money you have or don't have, what you look like or what kind of car you drive. They will simply love you for YOU! Those are the things I will tell her...and then one day you will wake up and realize those other people are not even an after thought. You end up feeling badly for them b/c they ARE so limited. It does not always hurt as much as it may hurt now, but you too will get through this like we all did. Food for thought on "Terrible Tuesday"... xoxo BTC

TWILIGHT ZONE

Does anyone else feel like the month of December is like living in the twilight zone? I don't know what is going on in the world...I can't quite put my finger on it, and now with all of this horrific news involving the most horrific experience EVER known to man. I don't know anymore, I always wanted a 3rd kid but after this, it makes me wonder if I want to bring another child into this insane, fucked up world. How do we move forward from tragedy? How do we tell our kids everything will be ok, when the chances of that being true, seems lower than before? These kids of ours, they will end up in class, room, school, etc. It's grossly inevitable. SO incredibly sick. I can't in good faith feel the holiday spirit, I won't let the kids in on this...but I am scrooge and scrooge for a reason. With a heavy heart, BTC

HOW TO POSSIBLY MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL...

I almost can't even think about what happened today, to those men, women and children....it's almost just TOO much to digest. I can only imagine what everyone is writing, feeling, thinking, doing tonight after such a senseless tragedy. As I sit here with my youngest (2) while my older one (6)is having a sleep over with my brother and his girlfriend, and my husband is away on a business trip...I think how LUCKY I am given the present circumstances. I know every other parent is thinking the exact same thing. How do you process all of this? AND if you have a child is around the age of my child (6) or older, how do you talk to them about it...if at all? You drop your child off at school and think that it is a safe, contained environment...but the truth is you just never know no matter where you live. I guess given that I live in NYC I am used to hearing about petty crimes and things of that nature, but THIS this is just insanity. There is nothing in the world that can be worse than losing a child. I clearly remember when my father was so ill and my grandmother (his mothers) was still alive. She said to me no mother/parent should live longer than their child; it's just not the natural way. And it's true, the idea of having to live through that is something I cannot even remotely fathom. My heart aches for all of those lost, especially the grieving parents whose lives will be forever changed. I pray tonight (and we know I am not a religious person, rather spiritual), for all those affected. I am sad, really, deeply, truly sad. Mothers/fathers hug your children tonight...and please don't ever let them go. With a heavy heart, BTC

THE AWKWARD RUN-IN...

I am not good with the unknown. I don't like to be surprised for the most part, I always like to know what's coming next; but as we know life does not always work that way. It is sometimes so weird running into someone you genuinely like but have no relationship with anymore..AT all. How do you handle? I often find that being more chatty is helpful, so that even if you don't feel like you want to talk to the person...they will think that you do. AND it also makes it a lot less uncomfortable in a not so comfortable situation. You then go through all the times that you spent together (in your head), and wonder what it would be like now if the paths has stayed along the same road. At least I do with those that I did/do like. Friendships work in such strange ways! Happy Weekend!!! XOXO BTC

A LITTLE TIME OFF NEVER HURT NOBODY...

I think a little time off from your significant other is a MUST...even if it means counting a business trip as "time off." I know I need it and I can't imagine my man does not feel the same! Given that we are a household of women (and one man), when the man leaves..it's nice just being with the girls! I get some time for me when the kids go to bed, I can watch whatever I want, eat whatever I want, go to bed whenever I want and so on and so forth. By the time I start missing my husband, he is home. I am always encouraged (by my man) to be with my girlfriends, go away with my girlfriends, take time for me, etc. I can't imagine being with someone who is NOT like that...although I know there are tons of women who are married to men who would strongly disagree. Interestingly enough most of my friend's men feel the same way, which allows us to have time with each other...just the girls. Looking forward to a couple of days to chill with my girls, taking time for me, and then seeing him again on Sunday...his BDAY! XOXO BTC

BRANDI OH BRANDI...

I am not sure it's a good or a bad thing that I think Brandi Glanville and I are cut from somewhat of a similar cloth. Sometimes she can be crude, always honest, and forever in your face..but I like that, I really think b/c we are a lot alike. NOT that comparing myself to celebrities is a past time, but I can't help but notice there are a few out there I can really relate to. Take Brandi, Bethenny, and me (maybe it's the B in our names), but I can't help but notice how outspoken they are; and how much that really can bother others. In truth they really are only saying what other people are thinking, or at least that's what I tell myself. I think if everyone was slightly more honest about how they felt, people would get along much better. Relationships would be stronger, things would just be...easier. How do you know when enough is enough? I know they say that there is a time and a place for everything, but I really don't think 1/2 of the time people are being nasty. BUT on the other hand I do have to admit that I CAN be nasty; and do say things at times that I shouldn't. I would like to think that the majority of time I am just saying what other people think. Isn't that really the whole idea of this blog? You have to find a life partner that can accept you for WHO you are, and allow you to be yourself. EVEN if that means pissing them off A LOT! I am happy to be the way that I am some people hate me some people love me, but either way I will always be upfront about how I feel about them and everything/everyone else! XOXO BTC

SOMETIMES I GET THE "WEIRD" VIBE..AND CLEARLY DON'T LIKE YOU FROM THE FIRST CONVERSATION.

I often get a weird vibe from people that I THEN just can't shake! I think that initial intro. is key re: perception. When you don't vibe with someone from the start it sets up for a less than stellar future; AND the worst is if you know this person/people will have to be in your life for the better part of your future! How do you deal with them? AND do you have to literally fake it...forever!! The worst is when the person you think is so off, thinks that they are the best thing since sliced bread, and clearly you don't agree with them..but their perception of self is so askew it's almost more annoying than the actual person! Often times these people dish out things that they can't take back. It takes a special kind of person to NOT attack those types of people, when you know that you can...AND literally should! I think there are a lot of people out there who can fake how they feel, but then at the same time there are ton of people who cannot...I being one of them. How do I deal with them when I don't want to, AND how can you make it so that when you are together you can tolerate each other; b/c you HAVE to! I am still learning that myself b/c you reach a certain age where you only spend time with people that you want to spend time with and not with ones that you don't. That's clearly not realistic because there comes a time when everyone has to deal with people they don't like. Do you call them out on their bullshit? Do you make sure that they know you don't like them, but simply don't have a choice the times that you are together? Or do you leave sleeping dogs, well you know asleep? Food for thought, there are so many people that I love to pieces and so many randoms I just can't stand! Happy Monday! XOXO BTC

SHARING THE WEALTH!

SO, Hanukkah starts tomorrow...the festival of lights! We will be kicking it off with Brian's family and then continuing the celebration the following week with friends. I really do enjoy all of this holiday cheer for my kids but jesus H.C (so appropriate for this covo.) it cost an arm and a leg; AND these kids get way too much shit if you ask me. How do you create a balance between giving and getting? 8 nights of Han, then xmas, it's insanity! I don't want the kids to not enjoy it to the full extent but I mean can you imagine how much loot that is? AND how much we spend on them? Do people really understand it's about giving not getting? Or rather both? Anyhoo...for all who celebrate Hanukkah, have a very HAPPY and healthy one! Bon weekend. XOXO BTC

ATTACK OF THE KILLER CLOANS...

Why is it that there is always a group of women, hanging out, that all look the EXACT same? Talk the same, dress the same, look the same, share the same interests...where is the diversity in that? I should have known growing up that, that was not my jam. That I could have found a more diverse group (socially and economically) but just didn't, and still to this day I am not sure why. Of course this did not apply to ALL my friends, but it certainly did apply to some... The most interesting part about it, is that they still hang with the SAME type of people, never got out of that, and just do the same shit with the same like people as adults? Where's the fun in that? Who brings different things to the table? IF you all dress, think, act alike it's like attack of the killer clones! I guess there is nothing wrong with that, but clearly it's not for me...and would make no sense to the kids that I am raising if everyone that we were friends with, was SO alike. I battle with this a lot, where we should move (if ever out of NYC), what kind of place I could provide them to show them how we as parents think; if not NYC? It's harder I think for us than other people. We always have to think somewhat outside the box, but outside the box means out of NYC. My head spins like a hamster wheel with all of this, ALL the time, day and night. It is really exhausting! XOXO BTC

DON'T SIGN UP FOR THINGS YOU CAN'T HANDLE!

I can't quite understand why people sign up for things, that they can't handle. Why sign up for a service you know you can't pay for? Why get married to someone you know you don't even love? Why be friends with people you don't even like? And then in the long run why sign up for things you CAN'T handle! Everyone makes mistakes, gets involved in things they don't mean to but if you KNOW you shouldn't be doing something, come on now get your shit together. If you can't make payments, deal with the wrath of people you don't like, marry someone you can't even stand sleeping with you are going to have to deal with the consequences. Not to mention some of those consequences don't always just directly affect you, they may affect others. I am certainly not perfect, FAR from it actually but I would hope at this stage of my career and life I can make the BEST decisions; in my business and personal life without totally fucking up other people. XOXO BTC

BUSTED BLOGGERS...

WHY are there so many of them? BTC

HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE, TO GET...

So many things running around my brain daily...Considering I run a business, and it's a client service business I know what it's like to get paid for a service; AND how to provide that best possible service you can. But being on the other side of that, I sometimes think how much do you have to give...to get? I would like to think I am a good sell without having to literally SELL myself i.e. $, BUT I guess everyone has to give a little (or sometimes a lot) to get what they want. Food for thought...more to come! XOXO BTC

AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH...

AND THEN THERE WAS ONE...

You would think getting car jacked at gun point was enough to counter act all of the bad shit you have done, and is the higher power's way of getting even with you, but alas that is not the case. Why do so many bad things happy to mediocre or rather good people? There are so many people I would like to bestow all the bad shit onto, that lands one me; but then again I am thankful everyday to have a happy, healthy family too. It's quite odd to think about all of the bad things that happen, when at the same time I often think about all the good things that happen too. Are you selfish if you think both ways? FYI that's not rhetorical:) But really, should we feel badly about FEELING badly about things that happen to us, when the greater spectrum of things that happen to us are great? Is that too complicated? I don't know...food for thought. You gotta love a Monday! XOXO BTC

"I HATE CHRISTMAS..."

I am sure many of you remember those words Scrooge said...and unfortunately I am kinda in that place at the moment. I am not so into this holiday season, I guess for a variety of reasons. Some I know some I can't even quite place. BUT what I do know is that I can't let the kids know any of that. SO...with that said, we decorated the tree last night, put out our Hanukkah menorah's and such; and listened to holiday tunes too. What is it about the holidays that makes everyone happy/depressed? It's irony at its best really, you are elated b/c it's a time to share with your family and friends but for those same reasons you find yourself sad at times. It's just SO much of everything at one time, money, time, food, etc. For now I can say Happy Holidays b/c lord knows I don't want everyone else to feel the way I do, or there would be be holiday cheer. I am fully scrooge at the moment and need a pick me up. Not sure what that is, but I will let you know if any when it does happen. XOXO BTC