CONCRETE COMMUNICATION...

Something happened today...there was FINALLY confirmation that my husband wants to communicate; AND gets frustrated when communication lines are blurred. HALLEFUCKINLUIAH! Sometimes it's hard when people don't do as you do, or don't think like you think; in ways that directly affect your happiness. The beauty about living near our families is the accessibility to see them really whenever we choose; or they choose for that matter. The hard part is seeing A LOT of bullshit, often. How do you deal with it and is it ok to intervene when it does not directly affect you, but rather just annoy you! Concrete communication is a MUST! My husband has had a hard time communicating and that's ALL due to the fact that no one in his family communicates properly. I am not judging I am just saying it like it is. I think the fact that he married me MADE him want to communicate, crave that...and when it does not happen, he gets annoyed. He has trouble understanding why people don't just DO b/c it's family, without getting annoyed that they have to in fact do something. What makes them holy than thou? Family is not about convenience sometimes, it's about doing things you MAY not want to do, but do b/c it's FAMILY! I mean we think that way when it even comes to our friends that are like family, let alone our "real" family. I am sorry to say that it's one of the most unbecoming traits in people, and worse when it's family b/c you it gets magnified and repeated so often. Someone is always complaining about something, someone, etc. I feel for them I do, b/c instead of just keeping their mouths shut they open them at the most in opportune times! In any event, I am still fucking sick and have been since Monday...but hey, it's just a cold and there are so many things people have to go through WAY worse than this shit. Food for thought...all of it. XOXO BTC

I REALLY DO WANT TO SEE SOME PEOPLE FAIL...

SO the truth of the matter is, I do want to see some people fail; I mean NOT literally fail but not succeed? Clearly I have issues but I am just being honest...there are some people I would like to see have little to no success, and as bad at that may sound I am sure there are many other people who might somehow also agree with me! See the people I want to see fail are really those that don't "need" anything anyway! They are kind of just worthless when it comes to doing anything for themselves, that requires how should I put it...WORK! They can't help that they may have been born into incredible wealth, or don't really need to work. HOWEVER, it would be great to see them do more things for less fortunate souls; AND really in the end just be nicer. The funny thing is, if I could blast this blog post around to EVERYONE and ANYONE I have ever known I am sure that they too would know who I am talking about...THEM! I am not even sure why this popped into me head, but I do know that if I did run into them, and I do succeed in the things that I am venturing out to do...I would walk right the fuck past them with my head held high! Have a very lovely weekend! XOXO BTC

BEER PONGLESS...

Why is it that I am one of the only people who never played Beer pong? I mean I feel kinda left out, considering everyone I know thinks it is insane that I never played; until post college! What does it say about me, that I am beer pongless? I very much enjoy a drinking game, but I think in reality I was never a really big drinker! Certainly not in HS, I was an athlete and all about my sport, but my friends were super fucked up:) I dabbled in things for sure, but did not really come into my own until college, where I experimented shall we say in many a thing; ONE of them was not beer pong. So my business parter said that she would like to set up a time where we play in the office (post baby). Sounds like a good time to me, but also sounds like a day of constant trips to the bathroom, once you break the...well you know. Just sayin! XOXO BTC

CAN YOU "LIKE" ONE OF YOUR KIDS MORE THAN THE OTHER?

Is it possible that when you have more than one child, you can "like" one better of the other? In other words, I mean you have to love them both inside and out, all the good and all the bad...but is it possible to really like one better than the other? I think the answer has to be...YES! I am sure I could get a lot of slack for saying that, but my thoughts are this...there has to be one you connect with more, on a friend level than the other. There HAS to be that bond that can't be broken between a mother and a child, and that's something you have to equally share; BUT what if you are really friends with one over the other. One is probably your "go to" person, and the other one is always the 2nd to know (or whatever position you have depending on how many kids). Then the question is, does the other know? Meaning does the one you like less, know they are liked less? AND when I say like you know what I mean, this is NOT at all dependent on how much you love your child. OYE the things we think about, or I should say the things that go on in my head! Happy "Terrible fucking Tuesday!" XOXO BTC

"THE BEST DAY EVER!"-REPUNZEL

Today is Memorial Day, and I first have to thank everyone who has given their life so that we could live in the glorious country that we live in. It goes without say on most day, but today it must be addressed. We thank you and we admire your strength and dedication to the USA! On a lighter note, we came home early in the AM from friends and decided to make it a Manhattan day! The weather was INSANELY gorgeous and we always talk to the kids about how we lived downtown; so today seemed like a great day to go down and enjoy the area! We decided to head down to the West Village, sit outside and enjoy the weather, go to the park and then last but not least...have a sweet treat! It was such a lovely family day, and I really cannot wait to do MORE of those types of things now that the girls are older; and more importantly easier:) I am so thankful everyday for my family, our health, happiness, etc. I hope whatever you were doing...was with people you love too! Happy Memorial Day! Here's to a GREAT summer! XOXO BTC

MY LITTLE PENELOPE...

Today is a very sad day, we put our dog Penny (the most amazing, lovely Golden) to sleep. Strangely enough she's my mom's dog, but for my kids that means it's like their dog too. Our little penny... I am most concerned about what to say to the kids, how to tell them, and what to say happened. With Aiden, I will be 100% honest, we have talked about death at length before, and she needs to know the truth. Lila on the other hand is not old enough to REALLY understand what has happened, so how do I tell her Penny is gone? I think I am going to have Aiden help make up a story for her, and one that seems as final as a 2.8 year old can handle. One that she will hopefully remember every time we go to Nana's house. Most of all I am so sad for my mom, she's going to be lost without her...and her world already feels so bare. It's hard to imagine what it's like without having a dog or animal as a pet for that matter; and I worry about the toll it may take on her. Today is dedicated to her...lets drink to Penny, the kindest little golden in the world. We will miss you and will love you forever! Have a lovely holiday weekend, I am sure we will speak sometime in the next few days! XOXO BTC

UM HELL...YOU WRITE LIKE YOU TALK!

I am not sure what teacher said this to me...but I once wrote what I thought was an amazing piece, and the teachers said, "you can't write like you talk"...Is that true? I think not! Funny that is exactly what I think works so well for me, the fact that I DO write like I talk! AND speaking of which... You would think that I would want all the attention on me, I would want to always talk about myself, I don't know that sort of thing. Funny enough, I SO don't! I am thinking about how shitty my day has been, WEEK actually and about to leave for a dinner, with a really good friend. I can't wait to drink good wine and chat about life, but when I think about it I rarely talk about myself. It's like I start the subject when asked how my day was, but can't follow through with all the details about how bad it really is. I think there's a huge part of me that does not want them to think I am just spewing shit about myself. Is that how people would perceive it? I don't know, this fucking day has GOT to end! OH and to boot, my dog is dying...like REALLY? XOXO BTC

WHY ARE THE SMARTEST PEOPLE SO DUMB?

Why is it that the smartest people, can also be the dumbest? It's strange to say that, but there's always something a little "off!" I don't know, maybe it pays to be a little dumber? SO, today is terrible Tuesday, it's hotter than it was supposed to be, it's Tuesday so that always makes things shitier, it's the week BEFORE a Holiday weekend so everyone has already checked out, AND last but not least...this month has sucked just like all the rest of the months that have past; this year. Why it is that every New Years you claim that THIS is the year things will be better, that THIS is the year everyone will be happier, that THIS is the year everything will change? Why do we feel the need when we know it's just going to be a let down in so many ways. On a much heavier note, I am SICK about what happened in Oklahoma. It's amazing what one natural disaster can do to a country...the fact that so many kids lives were taken, houses, peoples lives will forever be changed; and we just go on like it's a normal day! I am so so incredibly sorry for their losses, and pray they will find the strength...with everyone's help to get through another day. Bon Voyage on this "Terrible Tuesday", I hope yours is as bad as mine:) XOXO BTC

I GOT 2 TICKETS TO PARADISE!

What is it about people who constantly take vacation, that I wanna punch? I mean not ones that make millions, or who even deserve to go on a vacation...I am talking those that don't really work, even though they own a company. The ones who just think they need to "get away" but yet they don't do much of anything? The ones who's companies are not even doing so well they just think they "deserve" it; while assholes like me work day in and day out. What do they get "two tickets to paradise?" What does it say about you when you feel like you cannot disconnect from work? I mean when you make tons of EARNED income, and have discretionary money at your disposable I think that's fair; AND if you don't make tons of money but work all the time too...you can for SURE take a vacation. In truth I really hate those people, and I know it's not really fair for me to hate them, but I do! UGH typical monday, hate everyone and just wanna pack it in! XOXO BTC

I AM SOOOO BUSY...

Why is it that there is always that person who says they are sooooo busy? Like they are the busiest person in the world...and it's always the ones that have no one else to worry about, but themselves! I had to break it to you sister, but that's a crock of crap. I don't care what people think when I say this but you can't possibly be the busiest person in the world when you only manage yourself! There is this one person (who will remain nameless) that always says she's SOOO tired, so busy and just needs a vacation. Now this person is NOT married, does NOT have kids, and is a fucking teacher. WHICH means she does not work on weekends, gets insane vacations, summers off...oh and wait she's in her freaking 50's! She complains about going to school but signs up for those classes. She complains she has so much to do, yet all her time is devoted to herself. She says she has no time for anything, but her time is only filled up with things SHE needs to do. Amazing how one person's depiction of reality can be so skewed! I don't like to compare and contrast and I think that sometimes it's hard to really understand what other people deal with on a daily basis when you don't have that yourself, HOWEVER you HAVE To know if you are just worrying about yourself life can't be THAT hectic; unless of course you are running a 3rd world country! Anyway, what a lovely sat. it is...not doing much of anything, and relaxing with family. Hope everyone's enjoying their weekend too! XOXO BTC

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL...

Don't you wish you could stop for a moment, and see how everyone else sees you? Physically and mentally? Don't you wish we had a "mirror mirror on the wall?" Access to that would be kinda sweet! I sometimes wonder if the way I see myself is the same way others see me? I mean we are always way more critical about ourselves than others, but why can't we see ourselves the way others see us? And I mean that in a good and in a bad way! It would be helpful if I truthfully knew how my ass looked in my jeans, what outfits I think look great but in actuality make me look like shit; and what my attitude is really like...how I am perceived from the moment you meet me. I would like to think that for the most part it's positive, but then there's always those times you wish you could take back! The ones that stick in others minds but you have blocked. WELL at least it's Thursday night, which means we are closer to the weekend, which means I can walk around freely, naked in the AM longer than I do during the week. XOXO BTC

SO CLOSE YET SO FAR...

How do you juggle things in the pipeline...and continue with your day to day, stuff? How does everything seem SO close but yet SO far? It's Monday again, and I know many of you must feel like wash, rinse, repeat; and if you don't you are probably lying to yourself in many ways OR you are doing something that you TOTALLY love! I REALLY do love what I do, and that truly makes Mondays WAY easier, but Mondays are still Mondays so that CAN be challenging for anyone and everyone. How can you make the MOST of your week, if you don't love what you are doing? Can you make a list of things to do that allows you to try and grow in areas you would like to see yourself in? Do you make a list of prospective things you want to do? AKA a bucket list? What can you do to ease the pain of the beginning of a week? I have always felt like there's MORE for me to do, MORE to be done, and something bigger out there for me. BUT every time I hit/reach a goal I think to myself how much more can there be? Am I a just supposed to live this life and feel good about it forever? I am someone who constantly needs to be challenged or I literally get bored! So what's next? DEF. a few things...just gotta make em happen! Here's to a glorious week...trying not to be negative today:) XOXO BTC

I AM WHO I AM...AND NO ONE ELSE!

Why is it that because I am married to someone of a different religion (in this case Jewish but that's not even the point), that people often just lump me into "being" that person? I am who I am...and no one else! See the point is not that he is jewish but that they feel like it's, "guilt by association" and I am not even quite sure why? It's not like I would say to one of my Jewish friends, that if they had friends a lot of friends of a different religion that that would mean they were a catholic? And I think even that notion MAY offend them. So, I don't like when people say, well it's just like you are one of us. Why can't I just be, ME?!?!? I know they don't say in a bad way, or rather a non-supportive way of who I am, but in actuality I am not that...I am me. OR when people who I am friends with that happen to be White say that I am "just like them"; and I wanna say no I am just like ME! SAME idea...and really what makes me more White than Black? WTF people! I have come to terms with the fact that people just are insensitive; and honestly just limited. At times, I want to fire back and jump all over them, but then I am just going to look like the crazy White/Black girl that married a Jew! OYE! Oh well...chalk it up to my favorite fucking day of the week..."Terrible Tuesday." OH and what happens when you get a FULL on AMAZING credit for someone and their response is, "Thank you...that's great!" OMG GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!! XOXO BTC

SOMETIMES I WANNA JUMP...OFF A BRIDGE THAT IS!

I swear sometimes juggling a little bit of everything is fun, actually a lot of the time. THEN there are times when I want to literally jump off the bridge! When I just can't take ONE more thing, I have been pushed over the edge. As I sit here writing this blog entry, I have 2 kids under a self-made tent, with 4 thousand snacks all over the fucking floor, pushing each other around in a stroller (the baby stroller)...while I do work, TV blaring with music, dinner cooking, the little one throwing a tantrum; I could go on and on and on!! I love that I have a little bit of everything in my life, my kids, my man, my work, my friends, my family...but sometimes, SOMETIMES I want to run away and hide on a deserted island; ALONE. How is it that people think that they are busier than everyone else? I love those people who ONLY worry about themselves (and not celebrities), and they act like they don't have time to take a shit. LIKE FOR REALS? UGH well you know it's one of those days, Mondays that is...where you want to punch the shit out of everyone, yourself included! Bring it on Terrible Tuesday! XOXO BTC

A NEW FACE....

SO WEIRD to even think about this, but I have a new face...a different face than I did before I had my kids. I can't quite put my finger on WHY? I am now almost back to pre-kids "weight" (but post eating problem weight:), and so it can't be that! I feel as though they not only distorted my life but distorted my face! I have, a new FACE! So all I can think about it, WTF. Like really? Was it necessary to take my sanity and at the same time take my face? Was it REALLY ok to change my life and my world and take my cute face? I am not happy about it, and only REALLY realize it's there in pics. I know that we see ourselves differently than the average person does in pics...but clearly we are not 100% off, right? I think it's super fucked up that that's even possible! Is it just that I aged? EW I can't even!! Clearly I can't be all about my looks, but at the same time I look different as is...and now I am not going to look like the best version of me? I fucking hate everybody. BTC

I THINK SOMETIMES IT MIGHT BE NICE TO BE ALONE...

I do think at times, what would my life have been like...if I did not get married at 12? I mean really, I think sometimes it might be nice to be alone... When you marry someone you marry ALL of them, all the good and all the bad (and everything that comes with it)! Sometimes the grass is always greener on the other side. I know that there are some women who would kill me when I say this, maybe the ones that want what I have...in the same way I sometimes want what they have; but I can't help but be honest about literally EVERYTHING! SO yeah that's how I feel today, and funny enough I know I am not even close to alone. I guess the men in our lives feel the same way (or something like that) they may just not know how to say it:) I am ready for the weekend...filled with friends and their kid's parties, dinner with my brother and his girlfriend on top of a drink or 2 for sure. Just what the dr. ordered. LOVE! XOXO BTC