WHY YOU FRONTIN ME?

You know the saying, she's "putting up a front"...I think that's literally my motto at the moment. When you are typically, or rather should I say always the gregarious one in the crowd, it's really hard for people to know what is really going on with you. You know, like when heavier people make "fat jokes" but really it's just a "front!" I think I do that so much that people just assume you are always happy, when you are just as banged up as everyone else. I am one of those people. The one that can always give advise but rarely seek it. The one that listens to everyones issues big and small, but never say or address anything that I am going through. Sometimes I want to say to them REALLY it's really THAT big of a deal? BUT I don't because to them whatever the issue that they are going through, feels major to them. I wish at times my friends could see THROUGH that, and at least ask is everything ok? BUT then at the same time if I am so good at hiding it, is it possible for them to even know? I love helping friends, friends of friends, family you name it. I lend my time, hand, experience and then some and I would not have it any other way, BUT I do sometimes think like when is it my time? When do I get a break from reality? When do I take the vacation? Get the help? WHEN. WHEN! Then I take a deep breath, get my shit together, smack myself in the face to stop feeling sorry for myself. But I do wish that at times, I could be the victim, the one that's doted on, the one that gets to talk about everything I am going through...but I don't. I don't think I ever will. "Life is short, whatever you feel like doing...do." XOXO BTC