I'M A LOVER NOT A FIGHTER

Why is it that I feel like I am always fighting someTHING or someONE. It's amazing, when you have so many strikes against you (or I should say are made up of so many things), you are always fighting for something. Case in point... I can't walk into a room and feel 100% comfortable, EVER. If the room is filled with all African American people I am often not dark enough. When I walk into a room that is filled with Caucasians I am clearly not White enough. When I walk into a Shul and am celebrating a high holiday I am not jewish enough...and lets just go with the fact that I don't DARE walk into a church; not even a Christian in the eyes of God. Why is it me against the world? I can't even imagine what it's like to NOT have to prove yourself in some way. The ONLY place I don't feel that was is my home and my office. 2 things that I built and run, 2 places where I am very good at what I do. If you take me OUT of that comfort zone I am fighter not a lover. It used to be the fashion in many ways, where I felt like I did not quite fit in...now as I get older, I realize that it's really just who I am and that "fight" I will always have to fight. Strangely enough I don't know any other way. I would not know what to do without THE fight. The fight makes me stronger, makes me feel I don't know, legit. It reminds me that I have to work a LITTLE harder at things than some; and I am OK with that. I may have to prove myself to people so that eventually it won't make a difference what I look like, or what my religion I am...I will just be, ME! XOXO BTC