I AM SOOOO BUSY...

Why is it that there is always that person who says they are sooooo busy? Like they are the busiest person in the world...and it's always the ones that have no one else to worry about, but themselves! I had to break it to you sister, but that's a crock of crap. I don't care what people think when I say this but you can't possibly be the busiest person in the world when you only manage yourself! There is this one person (who will remain nameless) that always says she's SOOO tired, so busy and just needs a vacation. Now this person is NOT married, does NOT have kids, and is a fucking teacher. WHICH means she does not work on weekends, gets insane vacations, summers off...oh and wait she's in her freaking 50's! She complains about going to school but signs up for those classes. She complains she has so much to do, yet all her time is devoted to herself. She says she has no time for anything, but her time is only filled up with things SHE needs to do. Amazing how one person's depiction of reality can be so skewed! I don't like to compare and contrast and I think that sometimes it's hard to really understand what other people deal with on a daily basis when you don't have that yourself, HOWEVER you HAVE To know if you are just worrying about yourself life can't be THAT hectic; unless of course you are running a 3rd world country! Anyway, what a lovely sat. it is...not doing much of anything, and relaxing with family. Hope everyone's enjoying their weekend too! XOXO BTC

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL...

Don't you wish you could stop for a moment, and see how everyone else sees you? Physically and mentally? Don't you wish we had a "mirror mirror on the wall?" Access to that would be kinda sweet! I sometimes wonder if the way I see myself is the same way others see me? I mean we are always way more critical about ourselves than others, but why can't we see ourselves the way others see us? And I mean that in a good and in a bad way! It would be helpful if I truthfully knew how my ass looked in my jeans, what outfits I think look great but in actuality make me look like shit; and what my attitude is really like...how I am perceived from the moment you meet me. I would like to think that for the most part it's positive, but then there's always those times you wish you could take back! The ones that stick in others minds but you have blocked. WELL at least it's Thursday night, which means we are closer to the weekend, which means I can walk around freely, naked in the AM longer than I do during the week. XOXO BTC

SO CLOSE YET SO FAR...

How do you juggle things in the pipeline...and continue with your day to day, stuff? How does everything seem SO close but yet SO far? It's Monday again, and I know many of you must feel like wash, rinse, repeat; and if you don't you are probably lying to yourself in many ways OR you are doing something that you TOTALLY love! I REALLY do love what I do, and that truly makes Mondays WAY easier, but Mondays are still Mondays so that CAN be challenging for anyone and everyone. How can you make the MOST of your week, if you don't love what you are doing? Can you make a list of things to do that allows you to try and grow in areas you would like to see yourself in? Do you make a list of prospective things you want to do? AKA a bucket list? What can you do to ease the pain of the beginning of a week? I have always felt like there's MORE for me to do, MORE to be done, and something bigger out there for me. BUT every time I hit/reach a goal I think to myself how much more can there be? Am I a just supposed to live this life and feel good about it forever? I am someone who constantly needs to be challenged or I literally get bored! So what's next? DEF. a few things...just gotta make em happen! Here's to a glorious week...trying not to be negative today:) XOXO BTC

I AM WHO I AM...AND NO ONE ELSE!

Why is it that because I am married to someone of a different religion (in this case Jewish but that's not even the point), that people often just lump me into "being" that person? I am who I am...and no one else! See the point is not that he is jewish but that they feel like it's, "guilt by association" and I am not even quite sure why? It's not like I would say to one of my Jewish friends, that if they had friends a lot of friends of a different religion that that would mean they were a catholic? And I think even that notion MAY offend them. So, I don't like when people say, well it's just like you are one of us. Why can't I just be, ME?!?!? I know they don't say in a bad way, or rather a non-supportive way of who I am, but in actuality I am not that...I am me. OR when people who I am friends with that happen to be White say that I am "just like them"; and I wanna say no I am just like ME! SAME idea...and really what makes me more White than Black? WTF people! I have come to terms with the fact that people just are insensitive; and honestly just limited. At times, I want to fire back and jump all over them, but then I am just going to look like the crazy White/Black girl that married a Jew! OYE! Oh well...chalk it up to my favorite fucking day of the week..."Terrible Tuesday." OH and what happens when you get a FULL on AMAZING credit for someone and their response is, "Thank you...that's great!" OMG GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!! XOXO BTC

SOMETIMES I WANNA JUMP...OFF A BRIDGE THAT IS!

I swear sometimes juggling a little bit of everything is fun, actually a lot of the time. THEN there are times when I want to literally jump off the bridge! When I just can't take ONE more thing, I have been pushed over the edge. As I sit here writing this blog entry, I have 2 kids under a self-made tent, with 4 thousand snacks all over the fucking floor, pushing each other around in a stroller (the baby stroller)...while I do work, TV blaring with music, dinner cooking, the little one throwing a tantrum; I could go on and on and on!! I love that I have a little bit of everything in my life, my kids, my man, my work, my friends, my family...but sometimes, SOMETIMES I want to run away and hide on a deserted island; ALONE. How is it that people think that they are busier than everyone else? I love those people who ONLY worry about themselves (and not celebrities), and they act like they don't have time to take a shit. LIKE FOR REALS? UGH well you know it's one of those days, Mondays that is...where you want to punch the shit out of everyone, yourself included! Bring it on Terrible Tuesday! XOXO BTC

A NEW FACE....

SO WEIRD to even think about this, but I have a new face...a different face than I did before I had my kids. I can't quite put my finger on WHY? I am now almost back to pre-kids "weight" (but post eating problem weight:), and so it can't be that! I feel as though they not only distorted my life but distorted my face! I have, a new FACE! So all I can think about it, WTF. Like really? Was it necessary to take my sanity and at the same time take my face? Was it REALLY ok to change my life and my world and take my cute face? I am not happy about it, and only REALLY realize it's there in pics. I know that we see ourselves differently than the average person does in pics...but clearly we are not 100% off, right? I think it's super fucked up that that's even possible! Is it just that I aged? EW I can't even!! Clearly I can't be all about my looks, but at the same time I look different as is...and now I am not going to look like the best version of me? I fucking hate everybody. BTC

I THINK SOMETIMES IT MIGHT BE NICE TO BE ALONE...

I do think at times, what would my life have been like...if I did not get married at 12? I mean really, I think sometimes it might be nice to be alone... When you marry someone you marry ALL of them, all the good and all the bad (and everything that comes with it)! Sometimes the grass is always greener on the other side. I know that there are some women who would kill me when I say this, maybe the ones that want what I have...in the same way I sometimes want what they have; but I can't help but be honest about literally EVERYTHING! SO yeah that's how I feel today, and funny enough I know I am not even close to alone. I guess the men in our lives feel the same way (or something like that) they may just not know how to say it:) I am ready for the weekend...filled with friends and their kid's parties, dinner with my brother and his girlfriend on top of a drink or 2 for sure. Just what the dr. ordered. LOVE! XOXO BTC