Why is it that even enjoying a glass of wine is not the same, the excitement of going out is not the same, everything just "Feels" differently at the moment!
I want everything to stay the same yet be different. I want to have it all and eat my cake too! I want to be the same person I was before kids, now with kids...but that's just NOT possible, and this I know. NOT to mention I would not have it any other way! IT's amazing that even when you know what happens after the baby is born, and the emotional roller-coaster that you ride, it's still not enough warning to go through it again...and you forget that you are in "transition" time, that you don't just pop back into the person you were, before the baby came! I need to remind myself that constantly, just to get through the day sometimes.
I am so fine with not having a typical "maternity leave" I love what I do and there's not taking time off, but at the same time, I can never get this time back with Lila so I try and stop and take a moment, to remember that. I want to be the one that has it all but keeps it together at the same time, most of the time I like to think that I am...but other times I am a mess. You would think I would weight 10 pounds for the amount of time I am on my feet and not sitting; but then again, SO many woman do just as much if not more than I do...so I SHOULD be able to hack it!
Anyway, it's life changing they say having a baby..."Having a baby changes everything" I just don't want to forget who I am/was and hope to still be, SOME of that person.
XOXO
BTC
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