WHY YOU FRONTIN ME?

You know the saying, she's "putting up a front"...I think that's literally my motto at the moment. When you are typically, or rather should I say always the gregarious one in the crowd, it's really hard for people to know what is really going on with you. You know, like when heavier people make "fat jokes" but really it's just a "front!" I think I do that so much that people just assume you are always happy, when you are just as banged up as everyone else. I am one of those people. The one that can always give advise but rarely seek it. The one that listens to everyones issues big and small, but never say or address anything that I am going through. Sometimes I want to say to them REALLY it's really THAT big of a deal? BUT I don't because to them whatever the issue that they are going through, feels major to them. I wish at times my friends could see THROUGH that, and at least ask is everything ok? BUT then at the same time if I am so good at hiding it, is it possible for them to even know? I love helping friends, friends of friends, family you name it. I lend my time, hand, experience and then some and I would not have it any other way, BUT I do sometimes think like when is it my time? When do I get a break from reality? When do I take the vacation? Get the help? WHEN. WHEN! Then I take a deep breath, get my shit together, smack myself in the face to stop feeling sorry for myself. But I do wish that at times, I could be the victim, the one that's doted on, the one that gets to talk about everything I am going through...but I don't. I don't think I ever will. "Life is short, whatever you feel like doing...do." XOXO BTC

NO!

The word that everyone HATES to hear...NO! Why in the world do we hear it so often? AND who are those people that can't tolerate the word, no! You know the ones that I am talking about. The ones that have self entitlement. The ones that RARELY hear the word no, because the world always says yes to them. I think part of the reason people say yes to them, is because they don't want to deal with the reaction if they were actually to say, NO! Part of my issue with those types of people is that I am often the one to tell them no; and clearly they don't take well to that. I don't know if I do it because I don't give a shit about their reaction, or simply b/c in reality it's just not possible to get done whatever it is that they want me to do. I guess it is a little bit of both, managing expectations on top of enjoying just a little bit the reaction when and if I DO say no:) I can't even IMAGINE what PR people, agents, assistants go through with celebrities...when so many "regular" people who think that they are celebrities act this way! It's been a really long week. Full of ups and downs in the office and ups and downs at home. Between sick kids and delusional clients I have just about had it. Hook me up to a wine and vodka IV I am COOKED! Break me down with every morsel of wrong this evening to counter act all the shit I have had to deal with since the beginning of March. Don't get it twisted, I still enjoy all the craziness that comes with my life, but sometimes you just want a 9 to 5 job and life. Clearly, that ain't happening with me. Enjoy your weekend...and remember, do everything that I would do...if I could! XOXO BTC

KEEP YOUR BIG MOUTH SHUT

I CAN'T SEEM TO DO THAT! I don't know why...I feel like Brandi on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills most of the time! Strange thing is I totally get her, and I get why she just throws down. I have always been incredibly honest and direct in my delivery, that just does not always work for everyone; AND it's not always the nicest way to be. I seriously don't know how to NOT be like that. I don't know how to take a moment and let it go, even when 99.9% of the time the other person either deserves it or is just saying stupid shit. I want to say I reacted like that b/c what you are saying is so dumb! AND it's always the ones that don't really get it, that don't FULLY understand what I am bringing to them to begin with; HOWEVER, I do need to learn to bit my tongue a bit. I don't think I will ever fully learn, and in some ways I would never want to change who I am. BUT on the flip side, you can't always say what you want or say what you think needs be said. Sometimes you really do need to keep your big mouth SHUT! I am still learning every day how to survive in this insane world and insane industry. Still learning how to juggle my personality with a million other conflicting ones. Sometimes I wonder why certain people have been alone in their life, for so long...and then I spend more time with them, and realize everyone just really thinks you are NUTS! Drinks tonight could not come fast enough...LIKE FOR REAL! XOXO BTC

I'M A LOVER NOT A FIGHTER

Why is it that I feel like I am always fighting someTHING or someONE. It's amazing, when you have so many strikes against you (or I should say are made up of so many things), you are always fighting for something. Case in point... I can't walk into a room and feel 100% comfortable, EVER. If the room is filled with all African American people I am often not dark enough. When I walk into a room that is filled with Caucasians I am clearly not White enough. When I walk into a Shul and am celebrating a high holiday I am not jewish enough...and lets just go with the fact that I don't DARE walk into a church; not even a Christian in the eyes of God. Why is it me against the world? I can't even imagine what it's like to NOT have to prove yourself in some way. The ONLY place I don't feel that was is my home and my office. 2 things that I built and run, 2 places where I am very good at what I do. If you take me OUT of that comfort zone I am fighter not a lover. It used to be the fashion in many ways, where I felt like I did not quite fit in...now as I get older, I realize that it's really just who I am and that "fight" I will always have to fight. Strangely enough I don't know any other way. I would not know what to do without THE fight. The fight makes me stronger, makes me feel I don't know, legit. It reminds me that I have to work a LITTLE harder at things than some; and I am OK with that. I may have to prove myself to people so that eventually it won't make a difference what I look like, or what my religion I am...I will just be, ME! XOXO BTC

HOW PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY DO IS SOMETIMES BEYOND ME!

How certain people get into the positions they are in, is literally beyond me. I would never in a million years hire a doorknob to be on my team, not sure why so many people can see past it. Why is that? AND what does it say about the person doing the hiring? I don't care who you are, if you have the personality of a wet blanket then you don't deserve to be in the media. You have talk to people day in and day out, so with a crap face look it makes it THAT much harder for us to tolerate. Take fashion for instance...everyone knows that "puss" on your face is just an act, or is it really who you are? Do you feel like with that face you are protecting yourself from the harsh world of fashion? Or do you feel like you will fit in better if you look that way? MORE importantly, how do you walk into market appointments with that fuck me look and not get popped? You work in a business where shmoozing with people is literally YOUR JOB so why the tude? Why the long face? Why the fuck can't you crack smile. I mean for christ sake, people have shown this notion of fashion in the movies, on TV, etc. so clearly the general public is aware that you do, exist. WTF is wrong with people? I can't imagine having someone walk into my office, to only be greeted by a sneer. AND are you that good at what you do that you are not replaceable? That's bullshit! I don't know why more people don't talk about this...I guess for fear of losing their job or never getting another one; clearly 2 things I don't have to worry about (at this moment anyway:). It does not make you cooler it makes you THAT much bigger of a loser. When you lack personality in this business you lack everything BUT possibly credibility. You may be able to match a top to a skirt of add the right accessory but you can't hold a conversation for SHIT! "TERRIBLE TUESDAY" XOXO BTC

A MOTHER'S HELPER...

WTF would I do without C'mama? She is the ONE person I can count on with my kids (even over family), at ANY time! I feel so lucky, that it's hard to imagine my life, or rather my kids without her. The question is, when is it time to move on? OR move out? If I tell you one of the reasons we stay in NYC is b/c of Cynthia, then I would be telling you the honest to goodness truth! I feel incredibly blessed to have someone care for my children the same way (and in some ways MORE), than I do! AND at times BETTER! After 5 kids, a large number of grandchildren and being a nanny for 40 years this woman is THE best EVER! Take today for instance... Lila had a puking moment today, when I tell you she caught the actual vomit in her HANDS...she did; all over her, and she was literally ok with it. I am AMAZED at how she feels as if she is her own child. I want to say how thankful I am for having her in our lives, no matter what the outcome may be re: our future. I am thankful thankful thankful! XOXO BTC

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

This day and age everyone is choosing names for their children, the same way we used to choose names for our dogs! I feel like anyone who got a dog, felt like it was their opportunity to think outside the box name it something..."different!" NOW it seems that people are naming their kids the same way that they name their dogs. It's not so strange to meet Lucky the person or Lucky the dog! You can eat an apple or BE an apple, literally. I think people get a lot of shit for it too...I mean, lord knows you are being judged in some way no matter what name you choose! So really, what's in a name? Clearly it's self expression. Gone are the days of naming after family, here are the days when people name after fruits. Forget the idea that you could SHARE a name with someone, i.e. David, Emily, Jane...now we have Jagger, Grey, and Apple. I love the idea that anyone can do anything that they want and they don't care what others think...but at the same time these kids will grow up one day, will that be weird? I thought I strayed a little from the norm naming Aiden, AIDEN when it's a boys name. Even using James as a middle name for Lila was a little different. BUT all that said there is this a LARGE part of me that REALLY likes how everyone is feeling comfortable enough with themselves, to actually name their kid something different. But is it all for the wrong "Trendy" reasons? Mmmm..just food for thought. I love all my friends, their kids and the names...makes the world a much more colorful place:) BON WEEKEND! XOXO BTC