I'M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

I TRY I really really do try to like a girl that one of my best girlfriends, is good friends with. I try so hard and to no avail something's just off with her! I can't quite explain it, but it's there every time we speak. I make an effort to say hello, have a conversation, etc. but it never really feels genuine. I want to think that my friend is friends with her for a reason, but it's so hard for me to understand when I kinda feel like she sucks! Well I shouldn't say sucks but she's EH at best. I think as I get older, I realize that there's a certain type I was one attracted to, or surrounded myself around that I no longer appreciate; or like for that matter! I can't really pin-point it in writing because it won't come across the correct way. It's interesting coming to terms with things like that at my age, you think why and how did I waste that much time with so many people that sucked SO bad!!! UGH it's Monday, I am hungover and will choose not to have another drink until Friday…oh well:) XOXO BTC

THANK YOU SIR, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER

I miss drinking during the week. The boozy lunches, the cabs back to my apt toasty and then to continue toasting as the night progressed and the kids went to bed. I miss hailing taxis to go back and forth to my office, and really to go back and forth anywhere for that matter!! AAH I miss it so much. The most sterile part of living in the burbs is the fact that you have to drive everywhere, it's a fucking pain in the royal ass. Luckily I have a greatly great man who drives most of the time, oh unless I am pregnant:) I miss those days. I don't get as saucy as I used to at all anymore, and it's sad but true. Now my life consists of picking up my kids smack in the middle of the day, so even if I wanted to and have the change to I couldn't do it. Today is Wed., hump day. I remember in HS Wed. was our late day. We got out of school at a different time, everyday and Wed. was until like 3 or 3:15. Which on the tail end meant that practice was later, and then I would get home from school even later, to then have to do my homework even later…was annoying. NONE the less, it was also my fav. day of the week. Just getting over the hump meant the week was progressing and the weekend was near. I miss that too, waiting and pining for the weekends to have some fantastic plan with friends. Now it's just birthday parties and kids shit everywhere, AAAH life…it's so grand! Until next time… XOXO BTC

HONEY, I HAVE TO GO AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS….ON BUSINESS.

OK obviously I understand the need to travel for work, that I get; however that does not mean I have to like it. I never cared, he would go away I would get the wine and then some and just chill! Have girl time with my friends, have them over, drink, watch trashy TV, stay out late talking to girlfriends, etc. And then we had kids, it all went to complete shit! Every time he says he has to go away on business, my body gets really tense and I want to scream at the top of my lungs! I still know that it's necessary, and I still know that he has to go but I want to punch him square in his face every single time! Because in actuality, to me, it's a mini fucking vacation!!!!!! If I had the chance to get onto a plane, have a cocktail, wake up at 7, work out in the hotel gym, eat the continental breakfast and do it all over again for a few days I would fully consider that a vacation; maybe not in the traditional sense but it would be a vacation from my life, literally. At first when I made comments like that, Brian thought I was nuts. Then I think he thought about it for a while, and it kind of backfired for me. He started enjoying the trips more, after I pointed out that that is exactly how I saw it. He realized what I was saying was kind of true, and so he decided to look at it like that too. There are a few things that I get to do when he is not here, and so that's a bit of a vacation for me too, but I wake up in the AM and the shit's the fucking same up in this place! UGH Today is Monday, it all starts to blend into each other that days that is, but it is technically Monday; and for the first time in a really long time it feels that way! XOXO BTC

GAY IS TO MIXED AS MIXED IT TO GAY

A totally strange title I know, but a light bulb literally just went off in my head. I can relate to sam sex couples who feel different walking down a suburban street. Meaning, I understand what it feels like for people to think a lovely gay female couple are "sisters" when in fact they are a couple. I understand how hard that can be, and also understand why people may think that to be true. It's the exact same thing with me when I am with my girls, Lila especially. I am never the mom or rarely I am always the nanny. Just makes sense to everyone that I would be. The link below is to a partial interview that Jillian Michaels did with Health Magazine, speaking of these types of struggles. I wish too sometimes I was with someone who looked more like me, ONLY for that same reason. You would be at peace in that area for just a moment. I don't know why people don't get that, and especially don't understand why the gay community would go after her for a comment like that; bottom line is she's fucking right! UGH people WAKE UP! Today is sat. I am sitting in bed watching Alice in Wonderland with Aiden and it's like heaven! XOXO BTC http://www.people.com/article/jillian-michaels-statement-gay-out-comments

T T TITLE TITLE T T T T TITLE TITLE!

We have FINALLY nailed down a title for my book, the working title I LOATHED so this feels REALLY nice and REALLY freeing:) It's amazing that something so small (in terms of how much text), can be THAT important! I mean clearly the titles speaks volumes, but similar to naming a brand it just takes so much time. ANYWAY, it's Thursday so that means it's closer to the weekend which really means nothing for me, b/c it's all the same SHIT! XOXO BTC

"GRAVITY…IT'S WORKING AGAINST ME!"

I have to be ok with the fact that I am not 25 anymore, and what you put in is not always what you get out! CODE for, you get older and everything is just harder to fucking maintain! Work out HARDER (when I already was an animal), eat LESS when I already ate like a bird on most days, wear MORE makeup when the thought of caking things on my face makes me want to vomit and last but not least, make sure and nip and tuck so that when things fall down you can pick them right back up! UGH! Today is Wed. I love this day, always am really into smack, middle of the week. You feel like you are 1/2 done with things but you also have 2 more days to get your shit together. It is terrible to think that you are also closer to the weekend, so you have mixed emotions about wanting to be with you kids BUT also not wanting to be with them every freaking moment of the day. Oh well at least I do! HAPPY HUMP DAY! XOXO BTC

THROW YOUR BALLS IN THE AIR!

I think I am juggling too many moving parts, all at one time. Nothing gets done 100% when I work like this, but at the moment there's really no other way! Sometimes I think if I throw all the balls in the air, the "correct" balls will land on the ground; in just the right form. Somehow that's yet to happen. I have so many hopes and dreams, some obtainable some not, some I have reached some are in the not so distance future. I hope that drive to succeed will always be with me no matter how many balls are in the air. Until next time… XOXO BTC