ON THE ROAD AGAIN

I really miss those trips with my mom, that we use to take to visit colleges. Sounds so weird,and slightly out of place but I miss that time alone with her, just us. We would take those long car rides stay in mediocre (but clean) hotels and eat crappy food at places like Denny's and Howard Johnson. We visited states like Massachusetts, VT, D.C. and fantasize about where my final destination would be. Little did we know I would be at two different schools, in two completely different states. Nothing seems like the straight and narrow when it comes to me, we always seem to take the more complicated route. I miss that time with my mom I really do, and think about the times I will be taking Aiden and Lila on those trips; with Brian of course:) It's amazing to me that so much time has passed and we never get that time alone anymore, nor will we ever. I miss taking those trips I really, really do! Today is "Terrible Tuesday" and we know how much I love that! The day started, is and will end just like I anticipated…CRAPPY! UGH XOXO BTC

"WE ARE FAMILY…I GOT ALL MY SISTERS WITH ME"

work is and always will be a HUGE part of who I am; but on the same hand so is my family. I wanted to be able to be everything to everyone, do it all but as we know…and I have mentioned before, it's just not that easy nor is it at all possible. At some point something's gotta give for the ultimate amount of happiness. There are so many ways I would like to balance my life even better, the pendulum for me just seems to lean one way or the other not exactly where I as a Libra want it; in the middle! There is something to say about balance, that feeling that everything is in the exact correct spot, there's something to be said for being in perfect balance. Question is who the fuck is ever in that position? Tomorrow is "Terrible Tuesday" the one day a week I always feel way less balanced, so I am incredibly excited it is coming so quickly. YIPPEEE XOXO BTC

BEAM MY UP SCOTTY

That is how I feel when I am with certain friends, that I could touch the sky I am so high on life. I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have them, come to think of it I can't even fathom what it would be like, nor do I want to! I am really thankful for them everyday, and know that's it unique to have such good ones. I think to myself if I had had better friends growing up (with the exception of camp) I would have been SO much happier; and wouldn't hate myself for being friends with a few major assholes. Oh well woulda shoulda coulda. It's Sunday night and I know I have mentioned how I don't have those Sunday blues anymore. It's actually really liberating but I feel guilty about it too, b/c I know Brian still goes through those emotions. I know it's hard to do the same shit day in and day out EVEN when you like what you do. It becomes a well oiled machine but at the same time it's like driving the same car for the rest of your life; just not as interesting and exciting. My honest goal is to have my husband be my manny, I mean how hot does that sound? HA! XOXO BTC

FORGIVE ME FATHER FOR I HAVE SINNED

Been a little delinquent on here lately, just means I don't have a hell of a lot to say; clearly not common for this gal:) I am SO fucking hung over, WHY I proceeded on throwing back tequila shots while I was drinking wine at the same time is BEYOND me. I want to work out so badly and I know that I should but I don't even think I can force myself. The kids are with my in-laws so I will mil it for as long as I possibly can, and then pull the work out trigger when Brian goes to pick them up. I sinned last night having FAR too much booze, kill me now! I woke up this AM with no kids and I have to say it was quite liberating, but at the same time I think to myself at this age, if you don't have kids WTF do you do with all of your time? I am already bored and it's not even 10 AM yet! I love spending time away from them, and having time with Brian but then I want them to come home b/c I miss them so much! UGH I literally think I could puke…more later! (ILLIN) XOXO BTC

BORN DAY

It's really weird to think that this will be my last birthday in my 30's, so much of my 20's I remember and it felt SO freaking long. NOW I just think back to when I got pregnant with Aiden, my 30's had just started and I had 10 years ahead of me! It's insane to think back and recognize how long ago that was, because it honestly feels like yesterday! It's so true, the older you get the fast time goes. I have such a love/hate relationship with this day, I know that I never really love it…even when I was young enough and going out to celebrate. I feel like it always marks milestones and then things that I wanted to, but have not accomplished this past year. AND got knows that list still exists and is actually quite long this fucking year! Happy BORN day BIOTCHY BETH! XOXO BTC

I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I

I know THE most selfish individual on the face of this planet, and what makes it worse is that I don't think he thinks there is any other way to be. You know the type, the one that thinks everyone's out to get him and if it's not done the way he wants it done and when then you are the problem. YEAH that type. The one that can't understand that things can't happen always exactly when he wants it to happen; that life just runs around the circle they sit inside of…yeah that kind. I think it's worse when you can't connect on a personal level like you can't relate to each others lives. The reality is I DO have kids and I AM married, I can't go and do as I please, life doesn't work that way. As amazing as it is to have children you give up your own life for them, which I am FINE with…but it's just the way that it is. I feel sorry for him, I do. It's the kind of thing he will realize so late in the game that no apology will change the behavior. NOT to mention when you can't eliminate someone like this from your life, all you do is resent them. Sad but true. I think that people need to understand that when you can make something happen, you will and if you can't you just can't and you have to be ok with the word NO. If you don't hear the word NO enough, when you do hear it it does not sit well with that person. I am annoyed, frustrated and just about out of patience with this one…not WHAT???!?! UGH Happy Monday! XOXO BTC

WEED THE BAD ONES OUT

Now, my title can mean a few things! WEEDING out the bad people in your life is integral to your mental health! I mean I think back to all the girls that did such awful things to me, and want to punch MYSELF in the face to wake me the fuck up! I did not feel like I really got it right, until I was in my 20's; POST college. I still could not figure out what girls really loved me until I graduated. I don't know why girls need to be cruel, I mean I do not…clearly when they felt badly about themselves it was easier to make other girls feel that pain. I often run into one of these girls on occasion and for some reason she always seems so happy to see me. I on the other hand want to run for the hills. I think maybe she's not so bad anymore, and then something comes out of her mouth to remind me that she is the same bitch she was when we were 15. I wonder if SHE knows she's like that, and if so does she care? Then I think about a few people I am not longer friends with that I actually really like. The problem is that they are attached to the ones that I don't like, you know like backup singers. Sad but true. Listen, I am no angel. I said and did things to people more often than I would like to admit. I would like to think that some of them deserved it, but certainly not all of them did. You know the girls that fucked our boyfriends or the girls that acted like they were holier than though, those. I did and said things I am not proud of but am hoping that some of those things that people didn't like, was simply speaking my mind! Now I can confidently say my girlfriends, my best friends are the people that keep me going. They are the ones that make me smile, make me happy when I want to jump off of a bridge. I am thankful for my girls, and I am thankful that most of my girl WEEDED their bitches out; OH and I am happy a lot of them smoke WEED too:) HAPPY FRIDAY (almost)! XOXO BTC