WILD, WILD HORSES

It's been such a strange start to the month of December. 2 NOT 1 suicides this week, and it's just devastating no matter what you relationship was with or to them. You wonder how someone could be in such a dark, dark place, make one decision and then just like that, it's over. You wonder how they can torture the people that they love for the rest of their lives, just so that they could be a peace. You feel incredibly sorry for them, but in a really weird way you can for ONE split second understand the depth of their sorrow. Those moments when you feel like you can't breathe, BUT what do you do…you breathe, you move past it and do the very best that you can, everyday. You get up, take a shower, take care of your kids, work and wash, rinse, repeat. I am so sorry for all of their family and friends, just a really weird week. BTC

SUSAN MILLER'S GOT IT GOING ON!

What is it about Astrology that we all turn to? Or at some people do? I mean cosmically there's got to be more than a little truth to what they say, so why are there nay sayers? I mean don't you live you life by your daily horoscope? Don't you plan out your month based on what she says, and then when it does in fact happen say things like, "Susan Miller said that would happen" like her word is the word of God? Whomever God really is? Today is Dec. 3rd and even though she was a few days late, I was glued to my monthly read. I mean I literally sat in my kitchen and read it out loud, always think that like school I absorb that a bit better. I truly believe what she says is true, and I wait patiently every month for the next one…but in theory if I am doing that, does that mean I am not paying good enough attention to the month that I am in; and the things going on? Today is Wed. I need a drink but I don't drink during the week anymore, so I will settle for a dark chocolate chip I have to make my famous cookies. #loser. XOXO BTC

SANTA, I'VE BEEN BAD!

OMFG I don't know why every year I tell myself I am not going to overeat on Thanksgiving and every year I do and feel like I am going to fucking hurl by 6PM. UGH it's really disgusting and I swear my body is like WOOOW WTF. In any which case, it was a really peaceful holiday. The weekend was great too, family, friends, etc. it's always nice to have 4 days like that, you actually forget what it's like to spend that much time together. I am trucking like crazy to get this book in on time, so it leaves me very little time to be on here. BUT HELL it's WORTH IT! #terribletuesday XOXO BTC

THE CRAZY WORLD WE LIVE IN

It's a weird morning after the verdict of the Ferguson case…I don't know, I am really happy I have 2 girls at the moment b/c if you have an African American son; this hits you EVEN harder. BTC

CHALK FULL OF IDEAS

NOT really, hence the delay in my last post. All my good stuff is going into the book, which means it's not going on here:):) ANYWAY, it's Holiday time. I used to LOVE it when that festive feeling was in the air, now I can't seem to find the festive feeling anymore. All I know now is that I end up spending a shit load of money, and hear my kids say, "I want" about a gagillion times within an 8 week period. I want to love it, the food, the tree, the lights the love but I just don't get that same warm and fuzzy feeling anymore. So sad but so true. It's Monday, you know I can't wait until Friday. DUH! XOXO BTC

GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT

Ain't that the truth? Considering how long I have been waiting, something is going to really rock my world! Ran into an old friend today at Starbucks, been happening more and more lately considering I am back in the same area I grew up in. Some of them I dodge but some are really nice to see, and I always really liked this guy so it was kind of pleasant. He's the same person just older and with grey hair. Same face (sweet), and just an all around nice guy. Still yelling BT across the place, I felt compelled to correct him that it was BTC now…come to think of it, did I even kiss and hug him hello? Wait yeah I did. I am finding that when I run into the guys it's so nice, and I just dodge the fuck out of the girls. Not many of them are interesting enough anymore, nor were they then so why spend the time connecting again even for a moment…if it's going to lead nowhere? I am sure many people would disagree but it's just the way I feel! I really do loathe the girls bullshit! XOXO BTC

NURSERY SHMERSURY

It's weird to think that I never really got to decorate a nursery! THink about it, when I had Aiden she slept in our room until we moved to a bigger apt. At which time I got pregnant with Lila so by then Aiden had a full on room; and Lila slept with us. We then moved Lila into Aiden's room and it just got insane in NYC…then we move to NJ, and we are at my house I grew up in, looking for our own home in an area I can't even choose and the kids are now bigger. Brian and I go back and forth about having another baby, all that all over again and are we too old? BUT wouldn't 3 be the perfect number or does it just make it odd having 3? Anyway, I never got to decorate a nursery it's sad when I write it down. It's also terrible tuesday and I have been incredibly bad about writing on here; due in part to the fact that my book is due on Jan. 31st and that's all I can even think about, or write about! UGH XOXO BTC