"HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME…"

It's amazing to think we live in a society where men hit women. To think that it's condoned or covered up in some way is incredible to me. Clearly there is a right and wrong thing to do, so just don't do it! I have not been paying SO much attention to the Ray Rice situation b/c once you learned he knocked her out what more is there to say? There is only more to DO. I also think the fact that the NFL is trying to deny they saw the video is stunning. They know DAMN well what went down, aimed to then cover it up AND on top of that say they never saw it. It has to come down to money, what's good for the team and the fact that pulling a player off the field during the beginning of a season, could potentially harm more than just the team he is on. I feel badly for his wife for having to go through all of this but more importantly I feel badly for her that she made the decision to stay. I can't judge and I won't attempt to because I am not her, and I am not in that situation; BUT, I feel the most upset about the fact that for whatever reason she does not want to leave. I am not sure if this will be an eye opener for just her and the league or for everyone, society in general. You would hope that would be the case, so women who don't feel says can somehow feel safer. It's Thursday Sept. 11th today, that faithful day we lost so many lives during the attach on the World Trade Center. I remember vividly being at Oprah Magazine early for a shoot, when the first one came down. I was already down in Chelsea at my then apt. watching the 2nd one fall from my roof. I was that close, but yet far enough away to feel the affects of the smoke, debris and then some. I watched people covered in ashes and blood walk through the lower west side streets and into St. Vincent's (not closed down) hospital. The care centers set up, the flyers with peoples names on them praying for any survivors. I can't even fathom what it is still like for those families…I only pray they have the strength to get through this day every year, and know we are all praying right there with them. God speed. XOXO BTC

HERE WE GO AGAIN….

It's that time of year when the kids starts school, everything feels and looks fresh, and more importantly I get a really great BREAK from my new life! I can't really remember what it is like to just go and do as I please, b/c I always had help with the kids; and that didn't exempt me from doing the motherly things, it simply allowed me to do ADDITIONAL things; and still be a mom. I am not sure that I was as attentive as I would have liked to be, but simply b/c I had clients and ran a business. HOWEVER, if there was ever a time I needed to be there or simply wanted to be there, I could. You take for granted some of the things you are able to do with full-time help, and then at the same time I don't even think that it's necessary for me to have it now! Clearly we don't have someone. There is that part of me, that would like to run out for a moment without throwing the kid/kids in the car and not relying on certain people to watch my kids. At the same time, it's so far and few in-between makes no sense to have someone sitting here from 9 AM to 6 PM while the kids are in school that entire time minus 2 hours a day! You know? ANYway. It's Monday, and it always gets me down…even though I don't answer for anyone else but me. Just makes me kinda sad. BUT the good thing is that Terrible Tuesday is right around the corner and we know how much I love that! XOXO BTC

ATHEIST NO MORE

I will start this entry by saying everyone that knows me well, knows that I am far from a religious person. I think part of the reason I am the way that I am, is because my parents really did not want to confuse me more with religion; when we were already dealing with the mixed race thing. I also think that my observation with religion has always been one filled with so much prejudice and judgement that it was hard for me to see what each religion really meant! It was doused with so much shit, that to uncover what was really there would take far too much time, and that would mean someone would have had to enlighten me in a very special way. Needless to say, I attended a Baptist church memorial service (my best friends brother-in-law died suddenly on the 25th), so Brian and I went to pay our respects. The MOMENT you walk into the church or even the surrounding area of the church (this one happened to be in Harlem), the vibe is just different, accepting, open, loving. It was also kinda nice to be the majority in the room and not the minority if you know what I mean:):) In any which case, I was SO moved be the ceremony, the music, the pastors, his brothers from his fraternity, the families who attend that I can honestly say it felt very at home for me. NOW my mother is Catholic and my father was Episcopalian so this is NOT an area I am well versed in, BUT honestly it did not matter. When I walk into a Temple I feel like I am from literally from outer space and it's not a jewish non-jewish thing at all, it's a welcoming thing for sure. I feel ostracized and small. Even during funerals, everyone is crying everything is SO sad, it's just horrific…with this, it was a celebration of this young mans life taken too short. A celebration in his honor with music and laughing. It was simply amazing. As I write this I reflect on my own life and I want to be remembered. I think about who would attend my funeral out of love and honor and not just because they had to. Where would I be buried? Or would I at all? What kind of ceremony would I want and would I want it to be non-denominational? I mean I would b/c that's who I am but there is a LARGE part I would love to take from the Baptist church simply b/c it's beautiful. A very interesting evening, one I could not have imagined but feel blessed to have attended. May you rest in peace Kevin Forbes, for you were sincerely loved by all of your family and your peers. XOXO BTC

DETENTION

I honestly deserve it! I have not been at all communicative lately on this, and it's not for lack of WANTING to but literally just forgetting! I can't say I have had SO much on my plate or anything, just managing the kids can be incredibly more tedious than I remembered when they got OUT of school. My life has shifted in a few ways and now I have had to concentrate on a plethora of other things, that are quite different from anything else I have ever experienced! The combination of selfishly enjoying the shift, paired with terror with not knowing what's around the corner has been a BIT exhilarating! A whole new chapter, and ones that I am in complete control over…and THAT is fucking cool as as shit. Aiden starts her first day of 3rd grade tomorrow, and I am BUGGING a bit for her. I fear for the way school becomes so much more competitive and ugly, and as a girl it's THAT much harder. Thankfully her best friend Sharon is in her class so I feel slightly better about it; AND her teacher is supposed to be amazing. SO lets reconvene after tomorrow (if I can remember), and I will download everyone on her 1st day! Let the school girl begin! XOXO BTC

COME FOR THE RIDE, OR GET THE HELL OUTTA THE CAR!

What's that really annoying saying Tereasa Guidice uses on Real Housewives of New Jersey? "Haters gonna hate?" I think the single most annoying thing that people do to other people, is doubt their abilities to get things done. I guess there is always going to be those people who ACTUALLY can't do things, but you see I am not so when people (and some of them I know extremely well) doubt my ability to get things done…I get extremely frustrated. I should really say that it infuriates me actually, to say frustrated would be far too kind. Have you ever had a night you thought might go one way, and ends up going a completely different way? I mean it's "Terrible Tuesday" so clearly my day is going to go as planned (shit storm), but I don't like being blindsided by my man, saying things to the effect that I could BE more, DO more when the lot of women he knows DO nothing! UGH FUCK HIM, FUCK EVERYONE! xoxo BTC

ADIOS SUMMER, HELLO FALL!

I mean I know it's not technically the end of summer, but it sure as shit feels that way! I am kinda ok with that, b/c it's literally my FAV. time of year! I do also have to admit that I use to like it a bit better, when I did not have kids (kind of like everything else), b/c I could just enjoy the weather, drinking in the warm/cold weather, wearing cute outfits at night, all that shit! And clearly I can't do that anymore, now it's about paying for the girls parties and fucking homework UGH! Just being honest. It's Tuesday tomorrow, Aiden is freaking out about school and there's just a shit load of crap going on…wishing Brian was home so he could go through it with me, but alas he's not. He's at his freaking football draft!! ARG! XOXO BTC

WHEN HE COMES HOME I LOVE HIM MORE

I do, I love him more! I love my man oh yes I do, I love my man but love him way better when he is new! Meaning!!!! When he goes away for business, I love him more when he walks through the door. I reach for the glass faster than I can give him that kiss when he walks in…alive. UGH just a thought:) XOXO BTC