THIS TOO SHALL PASS...

There are so many times in someone's life when you have to make the REALLY hard decisions. The ones you know could affect your life forever, and those around you...but in turn they are the better decisions to be made. The hard part is not making it, the hard part is taking the steps to actually go FORWARD with your decision. That is what I am dealing with now, and as clairvoyant as I think I can be...and I do see the light at the end of the tunnel; and believe I will come out of this a stronger person. The question is, can my marriage survive? :) It's Monday but it fucking feels like a "Terrible Tuesday." It's been the WORST fucking day literal start to finish. I can't even tell you the bullshit I have dealt with, and it just keeps on coming. I feel like a circus animal in a zoo...locked in a fucking cage, where someone lost the key! NO joke for real, I do. The mixed high and low emotions I feel like a bipolar disaster, but I am not EVEN bipolar?!?! FUCK this day, HARD! BTC

THE SACRIFICES WE MAKE...

I think one thing that separates those who have kids and don't, is having them is the most selfless thing you will EVER do, literally. It is the most selfless act, it's not at all about you anymore it's all about them; and really when it's right it's the way you want it to be. One of my best friends came up for the weekend, and she decided she and her husband (much older) are not going to have kids. In addition to his age, and hers (she's 38) she is a juvenile diabetic. The risks are incredibly high when carrying children on the mother, that the risks out-way the prospect of having children. It's an incredibly smart decision on her part (I think), and I like knowing she will be around to celebrate the rest of our lives together. The kids spent the night out at Poppy and Grandma's with Brian, while Julie Dana and I spent the night engaging in THE most fun I have had in a VERY long time. We laughed, we cried, we yelled and enjoyed literally every moment while doing it. We still remember the Camp Merriwood beat like we were standing in the dining hall waiting for corn fritters on a Sunday night! It's THE most unique bond, the absolute amazing connection you can only have with certain people...I am thankful for them more than they know. I will continually make my friendships with my girls a priority, they are my lifeline; my SANITY:) I hope everyone had a lovely weekend, Monday is just around the damn corner:) XOXO BTC

Having kids can REALLY suck!

I may get some slack for that, and of course I mean that on a VERY general terms...BUT it's fucking true for me tonight! Brian and I had dinner plans tonight with good friends, and between Aiden's eye pain, Lila temper tantrum...needless to say, we canceled dinner. THEN all the guilt of feeling badly for wanting to go, b/c of course there are bigger problems in the world today! In the end, having kids can really suck...but most of the time it's lovely:) Isn't it amazing that you feel like you can count on people and then BOOM, something happens and you realize they are not as supportive as you thought? That momentary revelation, it's one to reflect on that's for sure. I feel like that rarely happens anymore when you are my age, so when it does it's much more upsetting. I am hoping it's just a momentary lapse of weakness, REALLY hoping. Until tomorrow... XOXO BTC

Time flies when you're having fun...

It's AMAZING for me to think that my youngest is going to be 3 in about 8 weeks. I can't even FATHOM that I won't be having anymore, when I see her little baby face getting bigger:( I CRINGE at the thought of never helping a baby crawl again, or learning how to speak, walk, eat, any of those types of things..which is NUTS b/c having kids is fucking INSANITY! There's a part of me that loves traveling with them now b/c they are so self sufficient in so many ways, and then there's another part of me that just LOVES the baby stage and cannot believe I have reached the point in my life when I am already done having kids. Time really does fly when you're having fun. I am in the office today during my vacation which sucks royally! BUT then as I write that, I think to myself it does not feel weird to be in, AT all! UGH I am so conflicted. Hope everyone has a nice day... XOXO BTC

"SUMMER, SUMMER, SUMMER TIME!"

WELL you know when you think in theory it would be nice to take vacation, but then reality sits in and you realize you own a company and that's not so possible? YEAH well that's where I am at the moment. I have takin a week off really b/c I am required to give it to my nanny and I find myself working most of the time anyway. What's the fucking point might as well be in the damn office! You know Will Smith's song, "summer, summer, summer time...?" Yeah well I hate summer lately, does nothing for me AT all. So today is "Terrible Tuesday" and I am not exempt from the crap even while on technical vacation. It's still a shit storm, I still hate everybody and still am more exhausted than I have ever been in my lifetime. I hope everyone is having a nice week, I am wondering when I am going to really get out of this RUT! XOXO BTC

THE COUNTRY....YOU KNOW SIMILAR TO "GOING OUT EAST BUT WITHOUT ALL THE BULLSHIT!"

So you know that feeling when you have anticipated a weekend with friends/family for WEEKS, even months...and then it finally comes and it's like AAAH!! That's my weekend. We are in "The country" Woodstock/Chichester to be exact and it's literally a slice of heaven. We have been going to be best friends house since as long as I can remember an we are now all going it together...with our kids! It's nothing short of amazing! We will be here for the entire weekend and I cannot even TELL you how much I needed this time with my best friend. LIFE saving really. I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend, whatever you might be doing...and that you are doing it with the ones you love! Stay tuned...I am sure I will come around with some sort of drunkin post:) XOXO BTC

SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA DUKE IT OUT!

What it is about marriage that makes people fight? I mean it sounds like such an easy question to answer, but really what are the triggers? I am going to go out on lim and say kids, money, jobs OH and the biggest one probably of all family! Sometimes you just got to duke it out, and then move the fuck on. Today Brian and I went AT it..and when I mean went at it, we might as well just had boxing gloves on b/c I wanted to punch him square in the fucking FACE! AND I am sure on many levels he felt the same way. Morning fights are always the worst. They start you entire day off shitty, you can't really think about work when you are at work b/c you are replaying the argument in your head 100 times, going over and over in your mind HOW it got so heated. You want to call them back and fight more and say the things you forgot to say, but in the same breath you want to tell them that you love them, and that you are sorry for being such a bitch. I HATE to fight with him, it's so awkward and annoying...not to mention, I LOATHE fighting in front of the kids, that is THE absolute worse thing to do. I think he had a lot of that growing up so it's just normal for him; I am not a fan. So today is Thurs. having dinner with my sisters, which I am THRILLED about...some me time, girl time and real time all rolled up into one evening. This weekend we are off to the country with my BESTEST friend EVER...and I could use a weekend like that too. Life is so stressful, for EVERYONE and if there are ways for a moment to relieve some of that, then by all means lets do it! XOXO BTC